Episode 177 – White as Snow, Red as Blood

Episode 177 Show Notes

Source: Germanic Folklore

This week on MYTH, we’re headed to Germany for a listener request story. You’ll see that it’s rough being a fairytale mother, that magic mirrors are honest but snarky, and that you shouldn’t accept gifts from strangers when someone is trying to kill you. Then, in Gods and Monsters, a thirsty little boy will disobey his mother and experience weird consequences. This is the Myths Your Teacher Hated podcast, where I tell the stories of cultures from around the world in all of their original, bloody, uncensored glory. Modern tellings of these stories have become dry and dusty, but I’ll be trying to breathe new life into them. This is Episode 177, “White as Snow, Red as Blood”. As always, this episode is not safe for work.
Commenter Princess Dream Actress on Spotify pointed out that I have somehow never covered the famous fairy tale that kicked off Disney’s run of animated features films back in 1937. I am of course talking about Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. There are many variations on this story from a number of different places, but the definitive version comes from our old friends the Brothers Grimm. I will be using their story, Little Snow-White, as the basis for this episode.
Once upon a time in a kingdom far away, it was midwinter and snow was falling from the heavens like feathers from some soaring bird. The queen of this country sat in her castle, gazing out the window as she sewed. Her pale beauty was stark against the black ebony wood that made up the window’s frame. It was a magical sight, and the queen looked up from her work to watch the silent snow blanketing the earth in stillness. She didn’t stop her work which is why, distracted, she pricked her finger with her sewing needle. Three bright drops of crimson blood fell onto the snow that had drifted up on the windowsill. The brilliant red of the blood in the flawless white of the snow against the midnight black of the wood created a startling contrast, one that the queen found indescribably beautiful. “I wish I had a child as white as this snow, as red as this blood, and as black as this wood.” Which is kind of an odd way of describing a person, since none of those colors are actually tied to a specific feature by the queen. Also, who the hell looks at blood dripping on the snow and thinks ‘oh, I want a baby just like that.’
Anywho, the queen did indeed have a daughter soon thereafter who was actually as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as ebony. It feels like the queen must have made some kind of accidental bargain with the fey or something to have her spoken wish granted so specifically. There’s nothing in the story that indicates any such thing however, so I guess we’re supposed to believe that the queen just wanted it really hard and so manifested her dreams into reality. It apparently took a lot out of her though, because although the child was healthy, the queen herself died in childbirth. Being a mother in a fairytale, she’s basically doomed by the narrative.
The baby girl was named Little Snow White, possibly a last legacy from the girl’s dying mother. The king waited a respectful time before remarrying. The new queen was, as you probably expected, an incredibly vain and arrogant woman whose beauty was an immense source of personal pride. She was widely considered to be the most beautiful woman in that kingdom or in any other known, and she goddamned well knew it. Since her personal value was entirely wrapped up in her appearance, her pride would not allow for even the possibility that anyone else might ever be more beautiful than her. I mean, you can’t stay young and beautiful forever and trying to do so leads to cruelty, depression, and madness, so she would have been better served by finding self worth outside of transient attractiveness, but if she’d done that there wouldn’t be a story.
The vain queen had a magic mirror because of course she did. The source of the queen’s obvious magic power and potent magical artifact are never explained. She’s just kind of magic because why not. I’m being pedantic here, so let’s just move on. The egocentric queen had her morning beauty ritual which always ended the same way: standing before the magic mirror and asking it that famous rhyming question. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” And each and every morning, the mirror would answer back “You, my queen, are the fairest of them all.” Her pride thus slaked for another day (for the mirror was enchanted to always speak the truth), she could get on with the daily business of being a coldly arrogant monarch.
Time went on, and the queen was an aloof and distant stepmother to Little Snow White (I suspect that she mostly left her upbringing to nannies and servants) but she wasn’t overtly wicked to her. All that changed one day when the little princess was seven years old. The story says that the girl was as beautiful as the light of day, surpassing even the beauty of her stepmother, the queen. It feels kind of uncomfortable describing a literal child that way, especially in direct comparison to a grown-ass woman, which is part of why Disney aged Snow White up in their version of the story. And as we all saw coming, the next morning the queen started the day the way she always did. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” And for the first time ever, the mirror’s answer changed. “You, my queen, are fair, it is true. But Snow White is a thousand times fairer than you.” Which also feels weird. We know that the mirror can only speak the truth, but it’s weird as hell that Snow White went from less attractive than the queen to a thousand times more so literally overnight. I don’t have an explanation for it, but all of the possibilities seem icky so let’s not dwell.
The queen, who I’ll remind you has been raising Snow White as her stepdaughter for almost seven years now, was immediately overwhelmed with envy for the beauty of, again, a literal fucking child. I don’t imagine that the queen had ever really loved the daughter of her husband’s dead wife, but she hadn’t been actively against her either. With the words of the mirror though, all of that changed. From that very hour onward, the wicked queen’s heart was filled with hate for Little Snow White. She literally felt sick every time she looked at the child, her heart turning inside her body with rage and disgust. This fed her pride and envy like a venomous weed growing in her heart until it poisoned her completely. She knew no peace day or night from her hatred and envy of this little girl.
Thus it was that the Wicked Queen summoned a huntsman to speak with her privately. “Take Snow White out into the woods and make sure she never comes back. To be clear, I don’t want her to simply be taken somewhere else, I want you to fucking kill her. And to make sure that you actually do slaughter this child as I have commanded you, I want you to bring back her lungs and her liver to me as proof.” Disney was right to change this one – the heart is a much simpler and more poetic organ choice than lungs and liver. The huntsman did as he was told. It’s not exactly easy in the best of times for a commoner to directly disobey a monarch; it’s much deadlier when treachery is afoot. He gathered up the little princess, telling her that her stepmother had asked him to take her on an excursion to the woods (which was essentially true).
Snow White was a trusting sort, having been raised in the safety and security of the palace, so she had no reason to question the huntsman. She followed him happily out into the woods. Once they were deep enough in the forest that he was sure no one would be able to hear a child’s death screams, he turned on her and drew his knife. He raised it high, planning to stab her right in her innocent heart. Snow White saw death approaching and began to cry, which would be a fair reaction even if she wasn’t, once again, a literal fucking child. “Please, Mr. Huntsman, don’t kill me! Let me live, and I promise that I’ll run out into the wild woods and never come back. Please! I don’t want to die!” The huntsman’s heart broke at the sight of this little child cowering and sobbing before him. Moved by her innocence and beauty, he lowered the knife.
“I can’t do it. Go, princess! Run into the woods and never return, or your life and mine are forfeit.” Snow White didn’t need to be asked twice. She turned and raced off into the unfamiliar woods and was soon lost from sight. The huntsman stood there for a time, watching to make sure she didn’t return. “The wild animals will get you soon if exposure and starvation don’t. You’re dead either way, but I don’t think I could live with myself if I spilled your blood myself.” It was totally just rationalization – he was still responsible for her likely death – but his heart felt like a stone had been lifted from it all the same. Satisfied that the little girl was too terrified to break her promise and try to come back the way she had gone, he began to wonder what he was going to do about showing the queen the dead girl’s liver and lungs. Just then, a young wild boar came trotting by.
This was clearly the answer to his prayers. Being skilled in his trade, the huntsman made quick work of the boar, cutting out its lungs and liver. It wouldn’t fool anyone who knew what they were looking at, but the huntsman felt fairly confident that the queen had never bothered getting her hands dirty. She had people for that, after all. She’d never know the difference. He returned with his grisly trophies in tow and offered them to the girl’s stepmother (who I believe has officially entered into capital E Evil Queen territory). The huntsman’s gamble paid off – the queen in fact could not tell human organs from those of a boar, and she accepted the proof of the princess’ murder. And still the vile woman wasn’t done. She had the huntsman deliver the organs to her cook to boil with salt, and then she ate them. It technically isn’t cannibalism, but she certainly intended it to be. I’m not sure if this is just a final fuck you or if she’s hoping to absorb some of the girl’s beauty in talismanic fashion. Maybe both.
And what about little Snow White? Well, she was all alone in the great, dark forest. She’s likely never ventured beyond the palace grounds, and she’s certainly never been allowed to explore the forest on her own, so she was utterly lost in no time at all. She ran and ran and ran as fast as her little feet could carry her. The terrified and weeping princess didn’t pay attention to where she was going, she just needed to get away from the bad people who wanted to hurt her. The trees all looked the same, shadow-filled boughs rustling ominously overhead. She ran over rough stones that hurt her feet and through brambles that tore her tender flesh, but she ignored the pain. Animals stalked her, some leaping out across her path, but none attacked her. No explanation is offered as to why the wild animals leave her be. Maybe she’s just lucky, or maybe her wild passage through the underbrush is loud enough to keep the predators from attacking. More likely, it’s meant as a statement on her innocence and beauty – her good nature is keeping her safe from the perils of the world.
Snow White ran all day, limping as fast as she could as the sun began to set and evening fell. Terrified of spending the night alone in the steadily darkening forest, she let out a little cry of excitement when she spied a small cottage off in the distance. Desperate to rest, she headed that way. It didn’t matter who lived there – anyone was better than being alone in the woods. Her pace picked up slightly at the renewed hope. It was still small, so she had a ways to go yet. Except she arrived sooner than she expected and found that the cabin was in fact smaller than she had assumed. It was smaller than any building she’d ever seen but, being a small child herself, it was no bother to head inside.
The furniture was all sized to match the cottage, cozy but neat and tidy. Unlike in the movie, the cabin’s occupants were actually more than capable of taking care of themselves. It turns out that women aren’t magically good at cleaning – it’s a skill that men can totally learn if they put their minds to it. Anyway, Snow White was exhausted and starving, having eaten nothing all day. She walked over to the little table, which had a clean white tablecloth set with seven little plates, each with little forks, knives, spoons, and mugs. Against the wall stood seven little beds, all standing in a row, and each was neatly made with snow-white sheets.
Hunger and thirst drove the princess to the table, which were apparently already heaped with dinner. She tried to spread her nibbles out, eating a few vegetables and a small bite of bread from each plate. She washed it down with a sip of wine from each of the seven mugs. Her tummy no longer growling, exhaustion overtook her. She stumbled over to the beds and tried to get comfortable. The first bed was too long though, and the second too short. She tried each in turn, but they were all too hard or too soft or too lumpy to get comfortable in. The seventh and final bed, at last, proved workable and she settled in. Snow White had just enough time to offer a small prayer for God to look over her and then she was dead asleep.
Dark fell soon thereafter, but a light could be seen through the windows approaching steadily. The owners of the little cottage were none other than the seven dwarfs who you were probably expecting. They had spent the day as they did most days, mining a nearby mountain for ore (which is a lot less glamorous than the enormous gems from the Disney film, though they do also find gold). Entering their home, they lit their seven candles and darkened their lanterns. No sooner had the flames caught and brightened up the room than they saw that someone had been trespassing in their forest sanctum. They were fastidious and meticulous, so they could immediately tell that things were not as they had left them.
“Who has been sitting in my chair,” asked the first. “Screw your chair, who’s been eating from my plate?” said the second. “Who’s been eating my bread? There’s a little bite mark in it,” grumbled the third. “Mine too. And they’ve been nibbling on my vegetables,” noted the fourth. “My fork’s all dirty. Who’s been using it while I was gone?” asked the fifth, horrified. “So’s my knife! Who’s been using my cutlery?” whined the sixth. “Forget the food – who’s been slurping my wine?” cried the seventh. You’ll notice that the dwarfs are kind of a monolith as opposed to the distinctly weird personalities that Disney gave them. They also don’t have names, because who cares? Snow White is the only character worth naming, obviously.
As the seven dwarfs were grumbling and rumbling about the disheveled state of their home, the first noticed that his bed was all rumpled and mussed. “Eating off my plate is one thing, but what kind of animal steps on someone’s bed?” The other six hurried over and saw that all of their beds had also clearly had an occupant who had tossed and turned fretfully. Well, except for the last bed, because said occupant was still very much there. “This kind of animal, apparently – look everyone, she’s sleeping in my bed.” They all grabbed their candles and huddled around the sleeping child to stare at her. Now that they got a good look at her, she was no beast at all. “She’s dirty and bloody, but she’s also the most beautiful child I’ve ever seen!” The other dwarfs all agreed silently, staring in rapt amazement at their unexpected guest (who was no longer an intruder in their minds). Pretty people really do have all the advantages in life.
The little girl was so exhausted from her ordeal that, even with all the shouting and bustling, she never so much as stirred in her sleep. The dwarfs found that they didn’t have the heart to wake her, so they let her sleep in peace. The seventh, who found himself without a bed, spent the night sharing with his roommates. It seems like it would have been a lot easier to either pick one bed and stay there or throw some kind of makeshift bed together on the floor, but the story says that the dwarf spent one hour apiece snuggling in each of the other beds. Six hours was all they ever got apparently (breaking their running pattern so far), so by the time the one dude had been in every bed for an hour, it was morning.
Having slept for many hours by now, their morning bustle was enough to wake Snow White this time. She stretched and yawned before gasping as she realized she wasn’t in her usual bed. She hugged the bedspread to her as she saw the seven dwarfs whose home this clearly was, afraid they would be angry with her for breaking in. Instead, they were all kind and friendly, talking to her in soothing voices to assure her that everything was alright, she was safe now. “What’s your name, child?” “Oh, I’m Snow White.” Given that the dwarfs have no reaction to hearing the princess’ fairly unique name, I have to assume that they live far enough into the hinterlands to not know who she is. “And what are you doing so deep in the woods, Snow White? How did you find our home?”
Voice a little shaky, the child related the story as best she knew. I don’t know if she had seen the magic mirror or not, but she was definitely aware that it was the queen who had ordered her murder. She realized also that the huntsman had taken a risk in letting her go, even if he hadn’t been able or willing to help her. “After that, I ran and ran without knowing where I was going. I stumbled across your house but nobody was home to ask permission and I was so hungry and so tired that I just couldn’t help myself! I’m sorry for everything.” The dwarfs tutted reassuringly. “Don’t worry about it, dear. It’s all in the past now. Since you don’t have anywhere else to go, you can stay here if you want. You’ll need to earn your keep though – all of us pull our fair share in this house. Are you okay with cooking, cleaning, sewing, and otherwise keeping house while we’re out working in the mines all day? It would be a big help to us, and you’ll be able to have everything that you want in exchange.” Snow White nodded, smiling in relief. She’d had no idea what she was going to do if she’d been asked to leave, so she was extremely grateful to have found a new home with such kind foster uncles.
Time passed and everyone settled into their new roles. The dwarfs went away each morning to mine for ore and gold, and came home each evening to a hot meal already waiting for them. They all talked and laughed together each night but, each day, Snow White was alone in the house. Having heard the girl’s tale of woe, they now knew that her stepmother the Queen very much wanted her dead, so they always cautioned her to be careful while they were gone. “Be safe, child. Your stepmother is still out there, and it’s only a matter of time until she realizes where you are. Don’t let anyone in.” I would imagine that the Queen could find someone willing to kick a door down for her if she needed, but it’s possible that there’s some kind of unexplained magic on the home. Of course, that wouldn’t explain why Snow White was able to break in so easily, so maybe not.
And what about said Evil Queen? Well, firmly convinced that she’d had her stepdaughter murdered and cannibalized her organs, she would naturally be the fairest of all once more. Knowing wasn’t enough though – she needed to hear it out loud. The story doesn’t say how long has passed since Snow White vanished, but I can’t imagine that it’s very long. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” The mirror couldn’t lie, so it answered truthfully. “You, my queen, are fair, it is true. But Snow White, beyond the mountains with the seven dwarfs, is still a thousand times fairer than you.” Damn, mirror, you didn’t even wait to be asked before you sold out the princess. The wicked Queen was shocked by this news but she knew that the words could only be true. That of course meant that the huntsman had deceived her and had never murdered an innocent child at all. The story doesn’t say, but I have to wonder if the huntsman met some kind of grisly end for betraying the queen. On the one hand, it’s not like she can tell her husband to throw him in jail for not murdering the king’s daughter; on the other hand, she’s proved willing to use power and money to get what she wants, and people would be less likely to let a huntsman live. You know, because he’s not beautiful.
The whole affair also convinced the Queen that she couldn’t trust anyone to put an end to Snow White, so she would have to do this one personally. The simplest solution would have been to go do some introspection and realize that you’re in a life-or-death beauty contest with an actual child and make some life changes, but you don’t get the moniker of Evil Queen by being reasonable and introspective. So long as Snow White was still alive, the envy slithered in her belly and gnawed at her heart without rest. The child must die. The Queen sat down to think about the best way to approach this little murder mission. She wasn’t exactly a trained assassin, so it wasn’t like she could bust down the door and slit the girl’s throat with seven guardian dwarfs around her. No, she would have to be clever and subtle.
Our cruel monarch was apparently a real makeup girlie (or else a former theater kid), so she decided to go with a clever disguise. She painted her face to disguise her identity, making herself seem older and uglier. That had to be hard on her ego, but she soldiered on since there were more important matters to attend – namely, child murder. Throwing on some rough clothes, her disguise as a peddler was complete. She took some of the missing princess’ finest clothes and threw them into a cart with a bunch of other items and then headed out into the forest, beyond the seven mountains.
The dwarfs had been surprised that a stranger had been able to find them so easily, but apparently the Queen knew exactly where to go. Or else she spent a very long time searching, giving Snow White time to grow up a little and make this all a little less gross. She soon pulled up in front of the small cottage where Snow White was tidying up all alone. Knocking on the door, she called out to her quarry. “Wares for sale! The finest wares in all the land for sale!” Snow White got lonely and bored all alone every day, so she was easily intrigued by anything that broke the routine. She poked her head out the window to speak with the old woman. “Good day, sweet old woman! What do you have for sale?” The ‘old’ woman smiled at the little girl. “All kinds of goods, dearie. For you? How about a bodice? I have some braided from the finest silks in the land!” And she pulled out one that was woven in bright, colorful silk – exactly the kind of thing to catch a young princess’ eye.
Being a sheltered child, Snow White was easily trusting. Her attempted murder and the dwarfs’ repeated warnings hadn’t changed her fundamental nature. “I can surely trust this kind old woman, who’s just trying to make a living. She seems honest to me. I can let her in. It’ll be fine.” And so she unbolted the door and let the disguised Queen inside. The little princess looked over the offered bodice and found it to be every bit as fine as the old woman said. Smiling, she agreed to buy it. “Thank you, dearie! A fine purchase. Come now, try it on! Let me help you lace it up properly.” The unsuspecting Snow White slipped on the bodice and turned around to let the old woman lace her up. With cruel swiftness, the Queen yanked the laces painfully tight – so tight, in fact, that poor Snow White couldn’t breathe. Sneering, the old woman stepped back as the desperate child turned around, eyes pleading. “You used to be the most beautiful one. Now you’ll just be a beautiful corpse.” And she left.
It wasn’t long before evening fell and the dwarfs returned from their daily mining. They stopped in the doorway with a collective horrified gasp as they saw Snow White lying motionless on the ground, dead to all appearances. They spotted the too-tight laces and cut them off her, hoping they weren’t too late. With the constricting garment removed, the child began to breathe again, color returning to her face. It took time for her to rouse, but she was soon sitting up and retelling the story. When the dwarfs heard what had happened, they put the pieces together and realized that they were discovered. “Child, that was no peddler but the cruel, godless queen. She’s learned that you are alive out here and tried to finish the job. She’ll soon realize that she’s failed again and may come back for another attempt. Take this as a lesson, and do not let anyone – anyone – in here with you when we’re out. It’s not safe.”
Sure enough, the wicked Queen was about then returning to the castle. Having shucked her disguise and returned to her usual frigid beauty, she stood as always before her mirror. She was sure that Snow White was dead for realsies this time, but she still wouldn’t really believe it until she heard it out loud. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” And the mirror, as always, answered truthfully and with absolutely no chill. “You, my queen, are fair, it is true. But Snow White, beyond the mountains with the seven dwarfs, is still a thousand times fairer than you.”
The Queen’s blood ran cold and that old envy squirmed in her guts. Somehow, Snow White had returned. “Fuck that child. She has almost as many lives as a goddamned cat. I’ll need to figure out something that wretched brat can’t possibly come back from this time.” Thus it was that the vile woman turned to dark sorcery and witchcraft. This at least provides some explanation for the magic mirror. Before becoming the second queen, she had clearly done some time in evil magic school. Summoning her evil powers, the Queen imbued a simple comb with a poisonous spell. When the comb was placed in the victim’s hair, that poor unfortunate soul would drop dead, ensorceled by the comb’s magic. Using a combination of makeup and witchraft, she disguised herself as a different old peddler woman and headed out again the next morning.
It was late afternoon when she arrived at the cottage to find Snow White once more alone. “Wares for sale! The finest wares in all the land for sale!” The little princess paused her cleaning and peered out of the window at the smiling old woman. “Go away – I’m not allowed to let anyone in.” The peddler only smiled wider. “Oh I don’t need to come inside dearie. You can take a look at my wares through the window. I have just the thing for your lovely hair, child. Here.” And she pulled out the magically poisoned comb. It was a beautiful piece of work and the child was enchanted by it. “Well this is clearly a different old woman and she didn’t try to come inside, so she must be honest. I can surely trust her, unlike the one yesterday.” And so she convinced herself to ignore the dwarfs’ warning again and unbolted the door.
They quickly reached a deal on the comb (with the evil Queen only pretending to haggle enough to make it seem convincing). “Would you let me comb your hair properly, child? It’s such lovely hair but a bit unkempt.” The little girl was thrilled by the idea of having her hair combed, a soothing ritual that she sorely missed, and so she agreed. The comb had barely stuck into the girl’s hair when the magic took effect. Snow White dropped bonelessly to the floor, poisoned. Cackling, the witch stood to gloat over her murderous work. “You truly are a specimen of beauty. Well, you were anyhow. Now you’re nothing at all.” Still cackling wildly, she left, abandoning the poisoned child where she had fallen. The Queen could stand to take a lesson from horror movies – always check your kill.
Fortunately, she wasn’t well-versed in the horror movie survival checklist. Evening soon fell and the dwarfs again returned from their daily toil under the mountain. They once again stopped dead in their tracks when they found the door open and their beloved Snow White lying motionless on the ground, no breath escaping from her lips. They rushed over and examined her for anything out of place, and soon found the magic comb. Pulling it from her hair, the spell was broken and the child revived. I’m not sure if the poison was more of a feign death spell that only worked while it was in her hair or if it was some kind of slow-acting poison that hadn’t yet reached lethal levels. Either way, it was a big old oopsie from our evil Witch-Queen as the dwarfs soon learned what had gone down from Snow White. Once again, they cautioned her against opening the door for anyone but them, anyone at all, no matter how old and innocent looking.
That night, the Queen stood once more before her mirror to ask it the same question she always did. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” And as it always did, the magic mirror answered with trademark snark. “You, my queen, are fair, it is true. But Snow White, beyond the mountains with the seven dwarfs, is a thousand times fairer than you.” Having personally failed to murder a very trusting child twice now, the Queen was furious. She keeps relying on complicated indirect methods of death instead of just finishing the job with a knife, which is giving me strong Dr. Evil vibes from the Austin Powers movies. Enraged, the Queen vowed to finish the job once and for all. “Snow White will die, even if it costs me my very life!”
The wicked Queen headed into the secret chamber in her room, a place no one else was ever allowed to enter, where she kept all of her darkest sorceries. There, she brewed up a potion far more deadly than anything she had attempted before. Once it was ready, she dipped a huge, delicious looking apple inside. The magically potent poison absorbed immediately into the apple staining the flesh where it touched a bone white. Only half of the apple was dipped, leaving the apple a peculiar and intriguing half white and half red. Even one bite of the ensorcelled fruit would prove deadly. Figuring that even a child as trusting as Snow White wouldn’t fall for the peddler disguise a third time, the evil Queen instead made herself up to look like a simple peasant woman.
The next morning, she again journeyed out beyond the mountains to the small cottage in the forest and knocked on the door. And again, Snow White popped her head out the window to see who it was instead of just pretending she wasn’t home. “I am sorry, traveler, but I can’t let anyone inside. The dwarfs have forbidden me.” “Well that’s alright, dearie. No need for me to come inside. I simply have too many apples and thought you might want one.” “They do look delicious, but I’m afraid I can’t accept anything. The dwarfs have forbidden that too.” “What, even an apple? What harm could a simple apple do? Here, I’ll prove it’s safe.” The disguised queen then cut the apple in half and took a big bite from the red, unpoisoned half. “See? Just an apple.” Convinced by this display, Snow White stuck her hand through the window and accepted the white half of the apple. She took a big bite and promptly dropped to the floor, apple rolling from her limp, motionless hand. With a gruesome stare and a cruel laugh, the Queen eyed her handiwork. “White as snow, red as blood, and black as ebony wood all right. You’re done for this time, bitch. The dwarfs can’t help you now.” And, still cackling, she left. As soon as she was home and returned to her normal regal glory, the evil stepmother raced over to her prized possession. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” And the mirror answered “You, my queen, are fairest of them all.” Thus was the evil woman’s envious heart finally at peace.
When the seven dwarfs returned home that evening, they found poor Snow White collapsed on the ground inside a still-locked house. She was not breathing and she had no sign of a heartbeat. She was dead. Frantically, they searched for some magical item, some poisonous macguffin, anything at all. They undid her laces and combed her hair. They washed her with water and wine. Nothing worked. She was dead, and as the evil queen had predicted, there was nothing they could do about it. Heartbroken, the dwarfs prepared a bier for her body and laid her in state. All seven gathered around her corpse, which even in death was peaceful and beautiful, and they wept and mourned for three straight days.
At the end of this, the time had come to bury her, but the dwarfs found that they simply didn’t have the heart. Her body still looked alive, like she would sit up and yawn at any moment, and they simply couldn’t bear the thought of consigning her to the black earth. To preserve her body but also allow the grieving dwarfs to visit her, they built a glass coffin so she could be seen from all sides but was safe from scavengers and the elements. This they placed on a cliffside on one of the mountains, a spot with a truly spectacular view that they thought she would have liked. Snow White was laid inside, her name spelled out in golden letters along with her royal title, for she was and remained a princess. From that day on, one of the dwarfs was always by her side to watch over her body in a silent vigil. The animals too came to mourn the lovely Snow White. First an owl, then a raven, and finally a dove – three very symbolic birds.
Snow White lay in her glass coffin for a long time but still she did not decay. She still looked like she would rise at any moment, still white as snow, red as blood, and black as ebony wood. It came to pass one day that a prince was traveling through those very mountains. He happened upon the dwarfs’ humble cottage and stopped to ask for lodging for the night. They agreed, and he settled in. Thus, he noticed when one of them headed out to relive the other from his daily vigil over the coffin and followed along.
The prince was enchanted by the sight, and he knelt to read the golden words inscribed inside it. “Give me the coffin and the body of poor Snow White. I will give you anything you ask for it.” The dwarfs naturally refused. “We loved her. We would not sell that coffin for all the gold in the world.” The prince nodded. “I understand that sentiment, for I feel the same way. I never knew her and yet I cherish her. Let me take her back with me to the palace. She deserves to be honored as a princess. And, to speak plain, I don’t think that I can live without being able to look upon Snow White. I will honor her and respect her as my most cherished one.” I really hope that more time has passed than it seems, because Snow White was seven when she went to the dwarfs. The story gives the impression of weeks rather than years, but I’m choosing to believe that Snow White is much older than she has any right to be at this point.
As he spoke, the dwarfs could hear the emotion and honesty in his voice, and they were moved to pity. Snow White had always missed her home, so maybe this would be for the best. After a quick dwarf huddle, they agreed to give him the coffin to take back with him to his own city. It would not be home for her precisely, but it was the closest she could have hoped for. The prince hadn’t exactly come prepared to haul a coffin out of the woods, so he ordered his servants to bear it away on their shoulders. It was heavy (being made of glass) and the terrain was uneven, so it was perhaps inevitable that someone would eventually stumble along the way. They caught the coffin, preventing it from shattering, but the body was jostled. It was just enough to dislodge the piece of poisoned apple from Snow White’s throat. With the magic thus removed, Snow White awoke.
She sat up, lifting the glass lid of her coffin to look around. “Good heavens! Where am I? Where are my friends, the dwarfs?” The prince heard her voice and knew that it could only belong to the lovely maiden from the coffin. He rushed over and took her hand in his. I appreciate that, unlike in the Disney movie, he didn’t decide it was appropriate to kiss a stranger’s corpse. That always sat odd with me. “Be calm, Snow White – you are among friends. You are with me.” And he told her the whole story, both what the dwarfs had told him and what he had experienced himself. “I never thought I’d actually be able to speak with you, dear princess, but I’ve loved you from the moment I saw you. Please, come away with me to my father’s castle and be my wife.” Snow White is apparently just as prone to love at first sight as the prince was, and so she happily assented to this proposal.
The pair traveled together to the prince’s kingdom, and their wedding was planned with great splendor and majesty. It was truly a royal event. Being the queen of a neighboring kingdom, Snow White’s stepmother was also invited to the feast (as was her father, I have to imagine). It’s a bold move, Cotton. That woman has attempted to kill her stepdaughter on four separate occasions, and came very close to succeeding on the last attempt. It seems a little foolhardy to give her another bite at the apple, as it were. Snow White would at least be better protected this time, in a palace with guards rather than alone in the woods.
As she always did, the evil Queen dressed in her finest and most beautiful clothes for the ceremony (who she apparently didn’t realize was Snow White back from the dead once again). Thus arrayed, she stood before her mirror to ask the question she always asked. “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?” And the mirror answered truthfully, as it always did. “You, my queen, are fair, it is true. But the young queen is a thousand times fairer than you.” The vile woman screamed and cursed at this news. In her mind, she had finally succeeded in vanquishing one rival only to have another pop up. You and I know that it’s actually the same person it always is, but the queen is convinced that Snow White is dead, and resurrection never crossed her mind.
Part of her didn’t want to even go to the ceremony. Killing her own stepdaughter was relatively easy – killing a foreign queen would be much harder and she would be much more likely to get caught. But the envious snake coiling around her heart would give her no peace, and in the end she couldn’t resist. She simply had to see this beautiful young queen with her own eyes. When she arrived, she stopped dead where she was standing as she stared at what was unmistakably Snow White back from the dead. The young princess who was about to be the young queen in turn recognized her murderous stepmother. Sweet and kind she might be, but this is a Grimm’s fairy tale so she has no qualms about alerting the guards to her attempted assassin’s presence. The evil Queen was promptly seized and sentenced to death by torture. Iron shoes were placed into burning coals until they were red hot. They were drawn out with tongs and placed before her. At the point of a sword, the evil queen was forced to step into the burning shoes and dance, screaming in agony and terror, until she collapsed and died. And everyone else lived happily ever after.
There are parts of this story that work better than the animated version in my mind (the apple getting stuck in her throat and being removed by accident rather than a curse broken with true love’s kiss), but there are also parts that come off as a little overdone. Like, I get that Snow White is sheltered and innocent, but how many wandering women have to give you murderous magic items before you stop trusting strangers all alone in the woods? The incredibly violent end to the queen is wildly bloodthirsty but also feels somehow fitting for a woman that cruel and evil towards a literal child. It does make me wonder where exactly the king was in all of this. After marrying the wicked stepmother, he just kind of…vanishes. He doesn’t seem to have been gaslit into getting on board with doing awful things to his own kid like in some other stories, but he never seems to notice or do anything at all after his only daughter just vanishes without a trace. Typical fairytale deadbeat dad. And so with true love sorted out, it’s time for Gods and Monsters. This is a segment where I get into a little more detail about one of the gods or monsters from this week’s pantheon that was not discussed in the main story. This week’s naive child is Little Red Stomach.
This is one of the weirder stories I’ve stumbled across, and one that I’ve only been able to find a single source for: From a Vanished Germany Colony – A Collection of Folklore, Folk Tales, and Proverbs from Southwest Africa, collected by Odette St. Lys in 1916. It collects stories during the fall of the German Empire in World War One, which provides a unique look at the blending of folklore at this time.
Once upon a time, there lived a little boy named Little Red Stomach. There is no explanation for this name. On this particular day, he went out early in the morning to till the earth in preparation for planting. He hoed the ground by hand, which was exhausting, thirsty work. He hadn’t thought to bring any water with him, so he looked around and spotted a pool of cool water not far off. He headed over to fetch himself a drink when his mother hurried over from whatever chores she had been doing to stop him. “Do not drink that water, my son. It does not belong to us, and you don’t know the owner.” Little Red Stomach shook his mother’s hand off his arm. “What do you know about anything, mother? I’m thirsty and the water is here, so I’m gonna drink.” “If you do that, my son, then the owner will kill you.” “Fuck it. If I die, at least I die alone. Now go away and let me drink in peace.” “I’m not leaving until you come to your senses.” Rolling his eyes, Little Red Stomach did the exact opposite. He took a handful of water and slurped loudly.
Frustrated, his mother left her son alone and returned to her own chores. The die was cast now, and nothing she could do would stop it. Grinning, the boy knelt down and drank deeply of the forbidden water. As he did, he became aware of a presence behind him, something far more menacing than his mother. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, boy? Why have you drunk from my pool? Didn’t your own mother just warn you not to do that?” Little Red Belly stood and turned to face the owner. It was no human, but a great beast. No description of the pool’s owner is provided beyond that, so pick your favorite monster. “You were warned not to drink, boy. Now I’m going to kill you.” Terrified, Little Red Stomach was unable to do anything but close his eyes and tremble as the beast opened its jaws wide and swallowed him whole.
Having thus devoured the disobedient child, the beast returned to his own home in a large pool of water (but a different pool than the one in contention, I think). The creature would normally sink into the pool for a relaxing swim, but the weight in his belly from his recent meal was too much. He stayed on the banks of the pool instead, sunning itself. After a time, a frog swam up out of the pool. It hopped up onto the bank to consider the beast with a disappointed look. “Beast, didn’t I tell you that you must not swallow the person who drinks from your water? Didn’t I warn you that if you did, you will die and then we smaller beasts will have no one to rule over us?” The beast didn’t feel too well, so it simply ignored the frog’s chiding. Shrugging, the amphibian leapt back into the water and swam away.
The monster stayed on shore all day, but it didn’t feel any better. As the sun was beginning to set that evening, it said to no one “I have a tummy ache.” It called together all the various beasts and animals in the region to come and attend to their ruler. “Listen to what I have to say. You are going to be left on your own now, without a friend. I should have listened to the frog.” The animals all looked at each other and realized that the beast was not long for this world. Thus, they all went off in their own directions to be with their own kind. I’m assuming this refers to the end of some kind of overall kingdom of the beasts that united all the animals together under the lord beast, but the story isn’t clear.
After the animals had all gone away, the beast was left alone. Somewhere in the darkness, it died from the pain in its stomach. And that could be the end of it, if the beast hadn’t swallowed Little Red Stomach whole. He was still very much alive in the creature’s stomach, though having a very bad day. He pulled out a knife and cut his way out from the inside. I’m not sure why he waited until now to do so if he’s had a knife this whole time. Maybe the stomach was too tight for him to draw it until its owner had died? Whatever. Covered in blood and viscera, the little boy crawled out of the dead beast and headed home. Maybe this is where he gets his name? Maybe he came home with his belly red from dead beast blood? It’s a plausible explanation, but the story is silent on the matter.
His mother was shocked to see him returned alive in the darkness. “You worry too much, mother. I told you I wouldn’t die.” His mother stared at him. “I didn’t realize that you had made a plan for your safety.” I don’t know if having a knife on him was a plan so much as luck, but the story doesn’t question it. Having thus escaped doom, Little Red Belly returned to his home to live out his days. I don’t know what lesson we’re supposed to take from this, except maybe always carry a knife.
That’s it for this episode of Myths Your Teacher Hated. Keep up with new episodes on our Facebook page, on iTunes, on TuneIn, on Vurbl, and on Spotify, or you can follow us on Instagram as MythsYourTeacherHatedPod, on Tumblr as MythsYourTeacherHated, and on Bluesky as MythsPodcast. You can also find news and episodes on our website at myths your teacher hated dot com. If you have any questions, any gods or monsters you’d want to learn about, or any ideas for future stories that you’d like to hear, feel free to drop me a line. I’m trying to pull as much material from as many different cultures as possible, but there are all sorts of stories I’ve never heard, so suggestions are appreciated. The theme music is by Tiny Cheese Puff.
Next time, we’re flying to French Canada for some local folktales. You’ll learn why you shouldn’t drink and fly, why you should have a union to protect you from being pressured into a hellis deal by your boss, and why you should always tell your girlfriend when you leave a party. Then, in Gods and Monsters, a hunter will tell us how to defeat a dancing ghost light haunting a farm house. That’s all for now. Thanks for listening.