Episode 171A – Days with Moon and Toad – Myths Your Teacher Hated

Episode 171A Show Notes

Source: Basoko Mythology

This week on MYTH, it’s the annual New Year’s special! You’ll learn that toads shouldn’t try to create things, that the moon is extremely powerful, and that bananas make the perfect snack for new mothers. Then, in Gods and Monsters, a fish and a leopard will fall in love with the same elephant. This is the Myths Your Teacher Hated podcast, where I tell the stories of cultures from around the world in all of their original, bloody, uncensored glory. Modern tellings of these stories have become dry and dusty, but I’ll be trying to breathe new life into them. This is Episode 172A, “Days with Moon and Toad”. As always, this episode is not safe for work.
The year is once again almost over – goodbye and good riddance. As always, with the death of the old comes the birth of the new and so we’re going to be looking at a creation story this week. Our tale comes from the Basoko people of the modern Democratic Republic of the Congo by way of African Folk and Fairy Tales, edited by J. K. Jackson.
In the old, old times, there was no land to be found for all of it was completely submerged under the water. It was kind of like 1995’s massive flop Waterworld except somehow not as dismal. I mean, no one was peeing into a coffee filter and calling it fresh water for one thing. Anyway, that doesn’t super matter because one day the waters dried up or otherwise vanished in some nebulous fashion, revealing the dry land underneath. The story gives no reason for this, it just kind of happens. The benefit to this was of course that now all kinds of plant life could grow and flourish: herbs, grasses, and eventually even trees great and small. This all helped to keep the waters contained to the streams, rivers, ponds, and lakes that dotted the newly emerged landscape. The rains began, dropping new, fresh water to replenish that which was flowing across the world, keeping it clean and clear.
At first, nothing stirred in this vast expanse of lush greenery. One day, there appeared a large Toad with a capital T squatting by one of the pools. He had shown up as inexplicably as the waters had vanished, but at least the story bothers to acknowledge that it’s not giving us an answer on this one. It says that no one knows how long the Toad had lived before that first day or where exactly he had come from, but the prevailing theory was that he had sprung from the waters somehow given that they are the fundamental source of life. And so this hulking Toad sat in the pale moonlight for there was as of yet no sun in the sky, only the lonely Moon. Given that they were the only two things in existence that were not water or plantlife, it shouldn’t be much of a surprise that they got to talking amongst themselves. It wasn’t like the plants were super talkative. I mean, if a lifeless chunk of rock hundreds of millions of miles away can somehow talk to a magical Toad on the surface of the earth, there’s really no reason why the plants couldn’t talk but suffice it to say that they don’t. Whatever, moving on.
The Moon had a lot of time hanging all alone up there in the sky to look down on creation and wonder if things could be different somehow. Better maybe. One day, after much such pondering, he opened up to Toad about a wild idea that he’d had. “Hey, friend Toad? I’ve been thinking about how vast and empty the earth is and I had an idea I wanted to run past you. What if I made humans to live in the world. You know – eat the fruits of the trees, drink the water, that sort of thing. There’s plenty of sustenance down there to keep such a creature fed and I think it would really liven the place up. Thoughts? Feedback?”
Toad blinked slowly as he digested Moon’s words. “Hmmm. That’s an interesting idea, but may I make one suggestion? What if I make these ‘humans’ instead of you? Since I’m actually a creature who lives on the earth, while you’re a personification of a lunar body who dwells in the sky, I understand their needs better. It just makes sense for me to do it, don’t you agree?” It was Moon’s turn to digest. “That’s…an idea too. I appreciate the feedback, but I’m not sure I agree. I mean, yeah you can make life but your creations would only be able to have a brief existence since, as you say, you’re a terrestrial creature. Being of the sky, I can endow them with timeless perfection and enduring life. Surely that must be better, right? It would be awful for them to have to die so quickly, and it would obviously suck for you to watch your creations fall apart like that. I think that I should be the only one with the power of creation so that no one has to go through that.”
Toad croaked condescendingly. “Don’t be such a petty ass, Moon. We both have the power of creation, and being jealous of the fact that we share it isn’t a good look. Come on, let me do it. I will give them the kind of form that I myself had always wished that I could have come into existence with. It’s been my lifelong dream ever since you first mentioned it a few minutes ago, and I absolutely insist that I be allowed to make my dreams come true.” Moon looked increasingly concerned. “You’re serious about this, huh? Look, I’m not being jealous, I’m worried about you. And them. If you go through with this, it will kill you as surely as it will them. You will both have only brief existences in the world, and they will follow you into death. If you let me create them, it will end me as surely as it will you but at least the humans won’t have to die too. I can live on in them. I know that you’re a big strong toad and all, but you’re really super frail and mortal in comparison to me. Reconsider, Toad.”
But the amphibian would hear no word against his impulsive idea. “I get that you’re angry, Moon, but I don’t really give a shit. I’m doing it, and that’s final. The creatures who will inhabit the lands I hop around on will be shaped by my webbed fingers. You leave us frail fuckers to our terrestrial ways; you go back and tend to your celestial empire.” Moon still didn’t like it but he was apparently very easily bullied by the pugnacious Toad. With a long-suffering harumph, he sailed back up into the sky and shone his light across the face of the earth. His big lunar face was visible across it all – literally the Man in the Moon here. He was still furious but sulking, hoping that the sight of his face wherever Toad should go would be enough to knock some sense into that asshat reptile. As you can probably guess, it very much did not.
In a very Jurassic Park ‘life finds a way’ moment, Toad dwells upon his idea for a new creation and literally gets himself pregnant with his own concept. He swelled up enormously until finally, two fully-grown human beings were birthed by him in what was surely a very slimy and gross process. These two, a man and a woman, were the very first humans to ever walk the earth. Upon seeing this, Moon flew into a towering rage. Leaving his place in the sky behind, he descended down to the pool where Toad was resting up postpartum. “What the fuck did you do? I thought I told you that creation was reserved for me and me alone! What part of that was unclear, you absolute dipshit?” Toad simply looked up at his old (and maybe former) friend with a bemused expression. “You know exactly what I did. It was my power and therefore my right to use it. It hardly matters now what you think about it. The deed is done, the die is cast. There’s no going back.”
“That doesn’t mean I have to like it, Toad. You’ve tried to exalt yourself up to match my rightful place in the heavens. Admittedly, your ego is big enough to be seen from space, but that just makes you a jackass. You’ve blinded yourself with vanity and completely ignored the warning I gave. You did as well as you could do, which isn’t saying much, but at least I don’t think you would have done any better with my permission. You’ve doomed these poor creatures to be as weak and pitiful as you are, as much inferior to the life I could have spread across the earth as you are to me. And to be clear, that’s a whole fucking lot. You’ve only succeeded in making base, miserable animals with nothing but instinct to guide them. No higher wisdom to aid them and no sense of self-protection to keep them safe. The best that can be said for them is that they exist. They breathe, they can see, sure, but they’re going to die before I complete one cycle around this wretched planet. You’ve done fucked up, basically.
“If it were just a matter of letting you die for your fuckup, I’d wash my metaphorical hands of you, but it’s not fair to them . They didn’t ask to be created by a damned Toad, so for pity’s sake I’m willing to help clean up your mess as much as I can. I can lengthen their lives some and gift them with as much intelligence, will, and wisdom as their tiny, misformed bodies can handle (which is a lot less than it would have been if you’d waited to let me do this, Toad). It’s going to take all the power I can muster, and it’s still going to be pretty shitty. I’m going to help your creations, you little cretin, but I’m still unbelievably furious with you. And since it’s not fair to take my rage out on them just for being associated with you, I’m going to kill you right here, right now. Prepare to die.”
Before Toad could try to hop desperately away from his demise, Moon plummeted down towards the earth in a corona of fiery plasma. This, Moon gathered into a burning beam of death which he fired at the fiendish reptile, consuming him utterly and leaving only a wisp of smoke where he had so recently crouched in smug self-congratulation. To cool off from this burning hate, Moon plunged into a nearby pool, boiling the water almost instantly with the heat of his fury. He stayed there, letting the water boil and bubble, until his anger had abated. Once the pool stopped hissing, Moon climbed back out.
Rising, he went in search of the poor creatures that Toad had doomed to wander the earth. He tried to call them over to him to receive his blessings, but the poor things were terrified of his obvious power and, like cowering animals, they tried to hide themselves away. This moved Moon’s stony heart. He smiled down on them in much the way that, on clear, cloudless nights, you can still see the Moon smiling high above. He was pleased that these two humans at least had the sense to fear his might. “Wretched things. Toad did such a piss-poor job, leaving me with a mountain of work to do to make them even moderately acceptable as the first terrestrial creatures.” With a sigh and a shrug, Moon reached out and seized the two cowering humans (with what I have no idea – maybe some sort of moonbeam tentacle?).
Moon dragged the two struggling people into the pool he had just finished bathing in and which had, until his recent immolation, been the home of Toad. The lunar deity submerged them, bathing them tenderly and using the water to make their forms as malleable as possible. Like a potter shaping half-finished clay, he smoothed rough edges and cleaned up crooked lines until the humans resembled what we look like today. To the man, he gave broader shoulders, a deeper chest, and a heavier form. The woman he shaped into a more curvy figure, with a shallower ribcage, slimmer waist, and leaner limbs. Once he was done, he named them: the man he called Bateta and the woman was Hanna. He set them back on the dusty earth to speak to them. “Bateta, see this wide earth with all its lush grasses, vibrant herbs, and towering trees. All of this is for you and Hanna, who is your wife, and for the children that Hanna will bear unto you. You were ill-formed originally, but I have done what I can to fix Toad’s mistakes.
“To help you discover which things are safe for you and which dangerous, I have given you the power of discernment. Use it carefully to become wise. The more you wield your mind, the sharper it will become and the better you will be able to perceive the abundance that springs forth all around you as well as of the creatures that will soon share this place with you. I did as much to make you fit for the span of life that shall be yours; thanks to Toad’s cursed meddling, that life will be unavoidably short. I wish there was more that I could do, but your creator really did a number on you two in his arrogance. To help offset these shortcomings, I will teach you to use tools: the axe to chop down the trees, and fire to burn these logs to keep you warm and cook your food. Fire will be your daily companion, so learn this lesson well. Here, I’ll show you how to make it and tend it.”
So saying, Moon took a lump of dark soil from the pool’s edge and mixed it with water until it was soft and pliable. Then he twisted and kneaded it until it was large, round, and hollow. He then used dried sticks and flint to build the very first fire (not counting the firebolt he’d launched at Toad earlier), then covered his clay pot in the banked embers from it. The clay baked and hardened in the flames until it was ready, and he handed it over to Bateta and Hanna. “This vessel is a pot, and it is used for cooking your food. You must fill it with water then put whatever you want to eat inside as well. When you place this in the fire, it will boil the water and cook the food. This will improve the flavors of many things, especially vegetables. Remember – just because something looks pretty doesn’t mean it tastes good or is safe to eat. If you’re ever unsure of something, ask me and I’ll help you. It’s the best that I can do to help, unfortunately.”
Having thus provided this first and extremely important lesson to humanity, Moon ascended back into the sky. From this lofty vantage point, he shone down upon Bateta and Hanna. A beatific smile beamed upon his face to try and comfort the lonely beings below. After watching this ascent with huge eyes and gaping mouths, the pair got their shit together and set out to find somewhere to live. Traveling by the pale, pleasant moonlight, they soon came to a very large tree which had fallen down during one of the storms that had occasionally washed over the earth since the waters receded. Its massive trunk was almost twice their height and was hollow at the larger root end. They ventured inside, finding that it was large enough to walk into without bending. An important feature in a home, to be sure.
The couple was exhausted, having had a very long first day (or whatever passed for it in the continuous twilight of these early times). Bateta laid his fire, which he had collected from the one made by Moon, down beside the trunk then cut down tree limbs for fuel. Hanna gathered these up and piled them onto the fire the way Moon had shown them until the flames were leaping merrily, lighting up the interior of their new tree home. Taking each other by the hand, husband and wife went inside together and lay down. Normally, this would be when everything got very, very adult. Instead, it got very adult in a much more depressing way – back pain. Both complained about how hard and uncomfortable this bed was. Turns out that bare wood is a shitty mattress. Bateta thought about it a moment, and then went back to where he had been cutting wood earlier. He gathered up the leaves that he had stripped from the firewood and brought these back. He gathered more from a short plant that grew nearby and piled it all up into a cozy nest.
Hanna rolled around in this new bed, giggling gleefully at how soft and comfortable it was (making me think of that scene from Mel Brooks’ fantastic film Young Frankenstein where Inga sings ‘roll, roll, roll in ze hay’ while literally doing just that). Opening her arms to her husband with a wide smile, she called out to him to come and lay down with her. And now is where it gets X-rated. The story glosses over the next bit but, only a month later, Hanna gave birth to twins. Yeah, that’s very, very fast but they were created by a Toad and finished by the Moon. Some oddities are to be expected. Like how they figured out how to have sex on their very first day of existence. I mean, it worked for Rocky from the Rocky Horror Picture Show (well, kind of), so maybe it’s not that weird.
Anyway, these twins were, of course, fraternal – one girl and one boy. In fact, they almost looked like tiny, chubby versions of Hanna and Bateta themselves. The children made Bateta so ecstatic that he had no problem doing all of the work around their treehouse while Hanna recovered from the extremely exhausting ordeal of, you know, giving birth to twins without a midwife. I’m hoping that she at least understood what being pregnant meant given that Moon had gifted them magical knowledge upon his reshaping of them. It would be terrifying to be absolutely blindsided by that.
Anxious to find the very best for his wife and children, Bateta searched diligently for the freshest, most nourishing food he could find. Unfortunately, his wife’s tastes had changed, becoming very particular since giving birth and he struggled to find anything suitable. After multiple failed attempts, he finally turned to Moon, raising his arms into the sky in frustration and supplication. “Great Moon, hear your poor creature Bateta! My wife is recovering and I want only to make her happy and healthy, but she is craving some taste that neither of us can identify. She’s not eating, but the children are suckling at her breasts and so she is weakening day by day. Please, creator, come down here and show me what fruit or herbs will satisfy her so that she can be strong and healthy once more.”
It was a worthy request and so Moon was happy to descend from the sky for the first time since that first day and help them. Coming out from behind a puffy white cloud, he smiled at Bateta. “No problem, friend. I know exactly what she needs.” He led Bateta over to a squat but large tree with peculiar yellow fruit hanging from its branches. “This is called a banana.” It was from the same plant from which he made their bed that first night, though he hadn’t thought to try eating the hard yellow fruit. Moon showed him how to peel it, revealing the softer inside. Bateta inhaled deeply of the sweet aroma that wafted from it as he did so. “That is sweet indeed. If it’s as good for the body as it is for my nose, then my wife will be better in no time.”
Even with Moon’s guidance, Bateta wasn’t willing to let his wife be the guinea pig on this, so he took the first peeled fruit and chomped a big bite. It tasted every bit as sweet and wonderful as it smelled, so he carried a bunch inside to his ailing wife. She tasted it as well, hesitantly at first but with more gusto after the first bite. “This is delicious husband, but I need you to tell Moon that I still need something else. I don’t feel like this fruit will replace the strength that I am losing to breastfeeding.” Which is fair – breastfeeding requires a lot of calories. Bateta went back out to plead with Moon for additional help, repeating his wife’s concerns. The lunar deity smiled beatifically. “I had a feeling that would be the case, so I’ve gone ahead and taken care of it while you were inside. Look over there, my friend, and tell me what you see.”
Bateta peered in the direction that Moon indicated. “Why, that is a buffalo.” From earlier context, this is probably the very first time that a buffalo has walked the earth, so either Bateta is naming them on the fly or the wisdom that Moon imparted him with is telling him the names of things he’s never seen before. I’m not sure which is weirder. “Correctly named,” said Moon, which could really work with either option. “And what’s following along behind it?” “That’s a goat.” “Right again. And after that?” “An antelope and then a sheep.”
“Correct on both counts. Now look up to the sky – what do you see up there?” “I see a variety of fowl and pigeons.” “Just so. These I have provided to you and your wife as meat, which will make your bodies strong. The buffalo is powerful and fierce, so maybe don’t start there. The others though should be able to live beside you and share in the bounty of the fruits and vegetables you are cultivating. There are a number living now in the woods nearby who will wander over to you when they have finished their grazing or pecking in the dirt. Take any of these that appeal, bind it, and chop off its head with a sharp hatchet. The blood will sink into the soil to nourish it, just as the meat beneath the outer skin will nourish you. Make sure you boil it or roast it as I have shown you. Move along now, Bateta, and fetch your wife the meat that she is craving.” It felt real weird to say all of that, being a vegetarian myself, but I get where Moon is coming from here.
Anywho, having dispensed this fresh wisdom, Moon smiled broadly again and floated gently back up into the heavens. Bateta thought the goat looked easiest for his first attempt at butchering, so he grabbed one and went through the whole process. Hanna, upon tasting the boiled goat meat, felt some of her strength returning. This, at last, was the nameless thing she had been craving. And with the mother strong and healthy, the children thrived as well.
We’re going to leave Hanna, Bateta, and the twins to bask in the happy glow of their new family (new in every sense of the word here) until next time. There’s still a lot more that needs to happen to get to the world that we know today from the eternally twilit paradise of yore, and unfortunately, they’re not quite done with the consequences of Toad’s epic fuck up. But for now, it’s time for Gods and Monsters. This is a segment where I get into a little more detail about one of the gods or monsters from this week’s pantheon that was not discussed in the main story. This week’s newly-created critter is the hippopotamus.
This story is also taken from African Folk and Fairy Tales, edited by J. K. Jackson, but this one comes from the Ekoi people of modern Nigeria and Cameroon. Once upon a time, long ago, Elephant lived in peace with his beautiful daughter. This being a mythological time, all of the other creatures were madly in love with the younger elephant and wished to wed her. Now at that same time, there lived an enormous fish named Njokk Mbonn, which means ‘elephant fish’. Oh, and he just happened to be the king of fishes, mostly because he was so large. Like all of the other creatures, he was infatuated with Elephant’s daughter. Thus it was that, one day, he swam upstream in the river where he dwelt to speak with Elephant while he was drinking. “I would like to marry your daughter.” I’m not exactly sure how a relationship between a water-dwelling fish and a land-dwelling giant would work, but I bet there’s some monsterfucker romantasy books out there with an answer. I’ll be damned if I’m going to go looking for it though.
Elephant did not answer this request since, of course, everyone wished this. Indeed the very next day, Leopard came to visit Elephant while he was lounging in the shade. “I wish to marry your daughter, Elephant. Do not let anyone marry her except me.” Which is pretty goddamned presumptuous. Elephant must have agreed at least somewhat, because instead of agreeing, he simply informed Leopard that no one less than the king of fishes had also been asking after her hand. The feline was furious at what he saw as poaching in his territory, though I have no idea why he feels he has any claim on this young elephant at all, even apart from the misogyny of it all. He was so angry, in fact, that he gathered together his entire family to go and fight for the right to marry the young elephant. Which seems like an overreaction and a red flag all wrapped up into one toxic package.
Leopard was not at all subtle or quiet about his angry plans, so fleet-footed Nsun, the antelope, happened to prance by while Leopard was laying out his scheme to his family. As you might expect, Nsun was no friend to Leopard, so he thought it prudent to rush off immediately to warn Njokk Mbonn about the imminent attack. He raced down to the river and found his fishy friend lounging around in his usual spot. “You’ll never guess what I just overheard – Leopard wants to marry Elephant’s daughter and he’s big mad that you do too, so he’s gathered his whole fam-damily to come and jump you.”
Njokk Mbonn nodded slowly, the gears already turning in his head. The story says that he didn’t respond at all to Nsun, instead grabbing a yam and beginning to roast it. It’s pretty rude to not even thank the critter who just risked his own hide to bring you a warning. You would also expect that this yam he just has to roast right this fucking second has something to do with a clever plan to deal with Leopard, but nope. He just wants part of a yam. Maybe it’s brain food. After it was done cooking, he ate part of it and set the rest aside as he heard Leopard’s angry mob approaching.
Now to his credit, Njokk Mbonn did indeed have a clever plan, it just didn’t involve any yams. Elephant and his daughter were nearby while the leap of Leopards were still farther off in the distance. I would like to think that the king of fishes had drawn the two pachyderms with the smell of roasting yam or something, but there is absolutely no indication of this. That may just be my narrative preference showing. Lots of things happen in real life with no actual payoff. Chekhov’s gun only applies to media, and myths fall into a weird liminal space between reality and fantasy.
Now the two elephants were not at all thrilled about the sudden appearance of a lethal amount of teeth and claws all of the sudden. Worse, they were trapped against the riverbank since Leopard and his family had swept in intent on capturing the massive fish. It was looking like they were going to have to fight their way out, which would be bloody and dangerous. One leopard, they could take. Dozens was another story. Noting all of this, Njokk Mbonn dove under the water. That’s right, all he has to do to avoid this pack of feline killing machines is go under the fucking water because he’s a fucking fish. To be fair, if he hadn’t gotten a timely warning from Nsun, he might have been taken unawares. Elephant and his daughter began to panic, having been fairly literally thrown to the wolves. Or leopards, as it were.
Njokk Mbonn wasn’t done though and he wasn’t quite as big an asshole as he appeared. In his own realm, the great fish was able to summon a massive wave with his magical powers. Oh, did I not mention that the king of fish is also magical? Well he is, even if none of the other animals seem to be (at least in this story). Elephant and his daughter, who hadn’t been expecting a tidal wave on a river (because it’s a ludicrous thing to happen without magic as an explanation), had no time to react as it crashed over their massive gray forms and dragged them into the depths. This would have been lethal if Njokk Mbonn had meant it to be, but he was in fact saving them. Using more of his magical gifts, he had constructed a fine underwater house for the pair of pachyderms. The wave deposited them inside, snug, cozy, and absolutely safe from Leopard and his family.
Speaking of which, the assembled felines had taken one look at this fantastically fatal wave and had turned tail. “Sorry Leopard. You’re family and all, but if we try to fight that fucking fish, we’ll all end up as fish food. You can’t fight magic with tooth and claw. We’re out of here.” And so they all fled. Njokk Mbonn watched them go from just beneath the surface. He had won the day, but he wasn’t satisfied. “If I leave that asshole Leopard alive, he’ll just pluck up his courage some other day and try again. I’ve got to figure something out.”
He spent the night scheming and, at dawn the next day, Njokk Mbonn came up to the riverbank and splashed onto it, sunning himself in the early morning light. There, he began cleaning his teeth until they were as bright and shining as those of a model with veneers. Which is less disconcerting to me than the idea of a fish with teeth (which elephant fish definitely do not have). Leopard, who had indeed come back over the night to watch his enemy for some avenue of revenge, saw this and was instantly jealous. He bared his teeth and looked at his reflection in the water with disappointment. “My teeth are not nearly so fine and bright as his. Is that why Elephant didn’t say yes to me? It must be. But what can I do about it?” This cat is giving me some strong incel vibes here. Big ‘why don’t women like me? Is it my terrible, terrible personality? No, it must be because I don’t have a chiseled jawline and women are shallow!’
Leopard was unbelievably jealous but also surprisingly practical. He knew of one creature who could maybe help him get pearly white teeth like that, so he approached the elephant fish as non-threateningly as possible. “Would you be able to clean my teeth too?” I would have expected a little flattery here since, you know, you did get your whole family together to try and murder him not even 24 hours ago but Leopard’s ego probably doesn’t allow that. Fortunately for him, Njokk Mbonn was feeling magnanimous after his victory. “No problem, Leopard. I’d be happy to clean your teeth. I’ll need you to come over here and lay down though, so I can reach them. I can’t get very far out of the water, what with being a fish and all.”
The story doesn’t mention one way or the other, but I have to wonder if Leopard was planning a double-cross here. You know, let his foe clean his teeth to fix what he thought was his biggest flaw and then murder him afterwards. Unfortunately, Njokk Mbonn was faster on the jump. As soon as Leopard lay down, he summoned another great wave and dragged his would-be assailant into the depths of the river. Instead of a fine house though, the feline found only a cramped, miserable jail. He languished there, alone and suffering, until he died not long thereafter. Elephant was apparently totally cool with cold-blooded vengeance and so Njokk Mbonn and the nameless Elephant’s daughter were soon wed. They lived together happily for many years, giving birth to elephant/elephant fish hybrids, also known as water elephants or, more commonly, hippopotami.
I love this bizarre little origin story for hippos. I can totally see the logic here. You have a fish with a long trunk-like nose, a massive mammal that looks kind of like the land version of said fish, and an extremely aggressive critter that seems like a mix of the two. They are one of the most territorial and dangerous animals out there, which they definitely got from Njokk Mbonn’s side of the family.
That’s it for this episode of Myths Your Teacher Hated. Keep up with new episodes on our Facebook page, on iTunes, on TuneIn, on Vurbl, and on Spotify, or you can follow us on Instagram as MythsYourTeacherHatedPod, on Tumblr as MythsYourTeacherHated, and on Bluesky as MythsPodcast. You can also find news and episodes on our website at myths your teacher hated dot com. If you have any questions, any gods or monsters you’d want to learn about, or any ideas for future stories that you’d like to hear, feel free to drop me a line. I’m trying to pull as much material from as many different cultures as possible, but there are all sorts of stories I’ve never heard, so suggestions are appreciated. The theme music is by Tiny Cheese Puff.
We’re coming up on the first Saturday of the new year, which means a new episode of Saturday Morning Roleplay, the actual play podcast based on classic cartoons that I GM with some of my actor and improviser friends. We’ve started a new story called Cato the Scaredy Cat, inspired by the teen detective with a talking animal companion that is never explained cartoons like Scooby Doo, Jabberjaw, and Speed Buggy. It’s a very fun tale told using the Monster of the Week game system, so check us out on Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. New episodes drop on the first Saturday of every month.
Next time, we’ll wrap up this creation myth with the beginning of time itself. You’ll discover that incest is apparently totally okay as long as it’s twins, that we could have had talking animals if not for that asshole Toad, and that night is objectively better than day. Then, in Gods and Monsters, Anansi the spider is going to be a terrible husband and a worse friend. That’s all for now. Thanks for listening.