Episode 165 – Beauty Like the Sun – Myths Your Teacher Hated

Episode 165 Show Notes

Source: Filipino Folklore

This week on MYTH, we’re headed to the Philippines for the epic love story of a couple we already met. You’ll learn that vines can be a portal to the heavens just like in Super Mario Brothers, that you should listen when the sun tells you no, and how babies are really born. Then, in Gods and Monsters, the crabs will declare war on the ocean. This is the Myths Your Teacher Hated podcast, where I tell the stories of cultures from around the world in all of their original, bloody, uncensored glory. Modern tellings of these stories have become dry and dusty, but I’ll be trying to breathe new life into them. This is Episode 165, “Beauty Like the Sun”. As always, this episode is not safe for work.
We actually met the subject of today’s story way, way back in Episode 50 where Aponibolinayen and Aponitolau were the parents of the protagonist, Dumalawi. Today, we’re going to roll it on back and see how the couple first met. And if you remember anything about that story, then you know that this is going to get real weird – but like, in a good way. We’re pulling this story from Philippine Folk Takes, collected from the Tinguan people by Mabel Cook Cole in 1916.
Long ago, there lived a young woman named Aponibolinayen, who was widely considered to be one of the most beautiful women around. On this particular day, she and her sister-in-law had gone out into the woods to gather greens for their evening meal. They walked out to where the siksiklat grew (a climbing vine with tasty, tender leaves that was popular in Tinguan cuisine) and began searching the underbrush for the elusive vine. Aponibolinayen struck paydirt first. With a cry of triumph, she began plucking leaves off her discovery. Or more accurately, she tried to pluck them. It was strange but no matter how hard she pulled, the leaves just wouldn’t seem to come free of the tenacious vine. She pulled with all her might. Instead, she was shocked to feel the vine pull right back, yanking her close enough for it to wrap her up in a verdant embrace and carry the shocked young woman up into the air.
Aponibolinayen was too shocked to let out more than a quiet squeak as she rocketed through the sky for an unknowable amount of time. Finally, the vine deposited her safely beneath a great tree far from where she had started. Most of that distance was vertical for, you see, this tree grew in the sky. I’m picturing this all growing out of a vast spread of clouds, which would be an incredible view but also an unbelievably disturbing one. Apolibolunayen was so shocked at finding herself in the sky, in fact, that she spent a good long while just sitting where she had been dropped and clutching the tree so that she didn’t fall through the cloudy ground.
It wasn’t until she heard the crowing of a rooster that the young woman decided that maybe it was safe to walk around. If other critters were up in this airy landscape, then it must be relatively stable. Aponibolinayen headed out in the direction of the cock-a-doodle-doo and soon came across a beautiful shimmering spring surrounded by tall betel-nut trees whose tops appeared to be made of solid gold. As she got closer, she saw that the sand around the spring was made of exquisite beads carved from rare gems and the place where the women would traditionally set their jars down when filling them with water was a large golden plate.
The beauty of this impossible sight was breathtaking, and Aponibolinayen spent a while taking it in before catching sight of a small house nearby. Caution gripped her heart at that. Something this exquisite and expensive had to belong to someone important and powerful, and she was afraid of being caught somewhere she wasn’t supposed to be. Someone this powerful likely wouldn’t care that her trespassing was a result of an herbaceous accident. There was no way back to terra firma as far as she could tell, so Aponibolinayen finally settled on climbing one of the betel-nut trees to hide.
Her instincts proved to be good. This was indeed the home of no less an august personage than the sun himself, Ini-init. Of course, being the literal incarnation of the sun, Ini-init was never home during daylight hours. You know, cause he was out being the fucking sun, delivering light and warmth to all the grateful inhabitants of the world below. Only at the close of day, when Big Star clocked in and took the sun’s place in the sky did Ini-init return home. He would sleep while it was dark and then arise again before dawn to go back to work (because of course dawn can’t actually happen without the sun).
From her hiding place atop the betel-nut tree, Aponibolinayen saw Ini-init return home after dark. She also saw when he left again before first light. Once she could no longer see his illumination in the cloud forest, Aponibolinayen slunk down from her trees quietly as she could. It had been a full day since she had last eaten, so the young woman was ravenous. Having thus far seen nothing that she could actually eat, she decided to commit a little B&E and crept into Ini-init’s house. Inside, she found actual food, so she cooked herself a meal of rice. She also set a pot of water to boiling, then dropped in a stick which immediately transformed into a fish. It was a tasty and filling meal, leaving Aponibolinayen quite content once she was finished. No longer starving, her long night spent crouching in the top of a tree was catching up to her. And so, like that popular European juvenile delinquent Goldilocks, Aponibolinayen lay down in Ini-init’s bed and went to sleep.
Ini-init returned back to his little house in late afternoon (by which I think the story means the twilight after sunset). Work was done for the day, which meant he had some time to fish for dinner in the river near his house. He sat on the bank cleaning his catch when he noticed that the area where his home lay was shining strangely bright in the dimness. Looking up, it seemed like his house was ablaze, so Ini-init rushed over to put out the flames. Only, when he reached it, he realized that there were no flames. The house wasn’t on fire, it was ablaze with the light of incredible beauty coming from his bed. It looked at first like a creature made of molten fire lay there but, after his eyes adjusted to the brilliant illumination, he saw that it was a stunningly beautiful woman fast asleep in his bed.
Ini-init wasn’t sure what to do with all this. Nothing in his life had prepared him for this exceedingly unusual situation. After weighing his options, the sun decided to err on the side of kindness and generosity. He went into the kitchen and began to prepare a meal for two instead of his usual solo affair, planning to invite this breathtaking creature to dine with him. He set a pot of water to boil and began cutting up that afternoon’s fish. The bustle awakened Aponibolinayen, who realized with a start that she had way overslept. The owner didn’t appear to have noticed her yet, so she slipped out a window and climbed back into the golden betel-nut tree to hide.
When the meal was done, Ini-init carried both plates over to serve his guest, but she wasn’t there. He’d been so focused on cooking that he hadn’t heard her slip away. He called out for her, but Aponibolinayen did not respond from her hiding place in the tree. Dejected, Ini-init sat down with both plates and ate alone though it was a much more depressing affair than it usually was. Once he had finished and cleaned up, he went to the bed that had so recently held the radiantly beautiful woman and tried to get some sleep, but it was futile. His mind couldn’t stop racing around questions about who the mysterious woman had been, why she had come, and where she had gone. He tossed and turned restlessly throughout the night but he still arose ass-crack of dawn early as usual and set out to illuminate the sky. It was his duty and he was a faithful incarnation of a natural phenomenon.
Once Ini-init was gone for the day, Aponibolinayen climbed back down and entered the house again. She cooked a meal for herself again but this time, she made extra as a thank you to her unwitting host. As the end of the day neared, she finished the rice and fish she had made for Ini-init and left it gently cooking to be ready in time for the sun to find before climbing back into her arboreal hiding spot. When Ini-init returned home at his usual hour in the late afternoon, he was surprised to find dinner already cooking over the fire and almost done. It was the damnedest thing: as far as he could tell, someone had broken into his home and, instead of stealing anything, had made him a meal instead.
There was no sense in letting food go to waste, so he sat down and ate what turned out to be an expertly prepared dish. After eating, he took a little constitutional to clear his head. He thought over the situation as he walked in the fresh air. “I wonder if it was that lovely young woman who seemed to be made of living fire. I wonder if she’ll come back. If she does, maybe I should try to catch her in the act.” He spent another restless night trying in vain to get good sleep before hurrying off to his job in the sky. As the end of his shift neared, he called out to Big Star. “Hurry the fuck up, Star! I’ve got to get home as early as possible today for reasons I don’t have time to explain.” The two of them had a good working relationship, so Big Star took the sun’s urgency in stride and swapped out a little bit early.
Ini-init raced home and was gratified to find that it blazed with that radiant beauty. The young woman was clearly still here. The sun crept inside quietly and climbed the ladder slowly and stealthily. Reaching the top unnoticed, he leapt inside and slammed the door shut behind him. Aponibolinayen, who was in the middle of cooking another meal of appreciation, jumped in fear and anger at being so abruptly discovered. Ini-init hurried to calm her, promising that he wasn’t angry and she wasn’t in any trouble, he’d just wanted to meet the person who had cooked such a delectable meal for him. As a gesture of goodwill, he produced some of the golden betel-nuts for them to chew. It turned out that not only were they edible, but they were quite tasty. They chewed together and talked through the night, sharing their names and a greeting. Aponibolinayen then served out the meal she had made and they ate together, talking through the night and getting acquainted.
Now that her presence wasn’t a crime, Aponibolinayen and Ini-init ate together every night. They quite liked each other and so it wasn’t long before the two of them got married. No idea if her family was invited or if either of them was able to return to the earth to visit. Being the sun, it’s entirely possible that Ini-init can’t take her back without scorching everything like Phaethon did in Episode 72J. Every morning, Ini-init went to shine in the sky and every evening, he returned home to his wife, who had made dinner for them both. This was all well and good except for the fact that Ini-init had no idea where most of this food was coming from. Sure, he often caught a nice fish after work, but his lovely wife always refused to cook it. The story gives no explanation for her refusal – maybe she just thought it was gross. Or maybe it was just a shit-ton more work than a magical stick.
Overcome with curiosity, he stayed in the kitchen one day to watch Aponibolinayen cook. He was understandably confused when she set aside the lovely fish he had brought home and instead dropped a stick in the boiling water. “With all the love and respect in the world, my love, what the actual fuck? Why are you cooking a stick?” Aponibolinayen looked at Ini-init like he was speaking gibberish. “What do you mean, why? So we can have fish for dinner obviously.” He raised a skeptical eyebrow. “My love, if you cook that damned stick for a month, it will still not be soft and tender. You know that I have an actual fish that I caught in the river just today, right? Won’t it be easier to get fish from, you know, a fucking fish than a stick?”
Aponibolinayen only laughed at this absurdity (which isn’t actually all that absurd) and kept right on cooking. When everything was ready, she took the lid off the pot to reveal that it was full of well-cooked fish. Ini-init was floored. To be fair, I would be flabbergasted too. He checked in with her as she was cooking the next few nights and saw that she always cooked the stick, somehow generating fish. Even stranger, no matter how much she cooked her stick, it never got any smaller. The fish were just appearing ex nihilo, which was weird even for a personification of a natural phenomenon.
After a few nights of this, Ini-init asked again (with more concern and less skepticism) why she insisted on cooking with the stick instead of the fish he brought home. “Do you know of the woman on earth who has magical powers and the ability to change things, oh husband mine?” “I have heard the stories, yes. And so it seems that you have your own great and mysterious powers, my love.” “Just so. Now you don’t have to keep asking why I use the stick instead of the fish.” Which is still not really an answer. Just because you have magical power doesn’t automatically make using them the default. Is her transformation magic just easier and neater than cooking with actual fish? I’m sure there’s a good reason, I just wish the story gave it to us a little clearer.
Ini-init was less frustrated by this non-answer answer and moved on. One night not long after this conversation, Aponibolinayen told her husband that she had a favor to ask. “I’ve been thinking as I watch you sail across the sky each day. I want to go with you tomorrow to illuminate the world below.” Ini-init shook his head emphatically. “That is a very bad idea. It is incredibly hot up there when the sun is going full blast. You won’t be able to withstand the heat.” His wife was not so easily swayed. “It’ll be fine. We’ll bring along a bunch of blankets and pillows. When it starts to get too hot, I’ll crawl under them and hide from the heat.” That will help, sure, but I doubt very much that this woman has blankets thick enough to protect her from the naked fucking sun.
Ini-init had the same concerns and continued to beg his wife to change her mind. He hadn’t made any ill-conceived oaths like Helios did, but he couldn’t bring himself to deny his wife anything she wanted. The next morning, unable to convince her, he relented and brought her along on his trek across the sky. Together, they headed down into the distant East, bringing with them the light of dawn. They moved up and towards the west, the heat rising as they went. As they reached noon and the peak of the sky, it became so hot that Aponibolinayen melted clean away and became oil. Turns out that the blankets were not in fact enough to protect her. Depressed, Ini-init drained the oil-remnants of his wife into a bottle, wrapped it up in the blankets and pillows, and then dropped the bundle down to the earth below.
It crashed into the ground with a massive thud not far from the town where Aponibolinayen had lived until accidentally getting sucked up into the sky. A young woman from said town was at the spring, drawing water, when she heard the bundle land nearby. Unrolling the bundle of exquisitely crafted and beautiful blankets, she found inside the most beautiful woman she had ever seen in her life. Apparently, Aponibolinayen somehow oozed out of the bottle and resolidified during the fall, but also somehow avoided any injuries. I’m just gonna chalk it up to more unspecified magic powers. Terrified by this clearly supernatural event, the young woman raced back to town and called everyone together to tell the story. They all hastened over to the spring. Aponibolinayen’s father was shocked and thrilled to recognize his missing daughter whom everyone had been searching for near and far since she’d vanished so abruptly.
“Where have you been, Aponibolinayen? We’ve searched the entire world for you and could not find any trace!” “I was being held prisoner by enemies of our people over in Pindayan. I finally made my escape last night while they were asleep and came home.” This is not at all what happened and, from context, I suspect that Aponibolinayen is trying to avoid word getting around that she’s married to the sun because people are very judgmental of shit like that. She does really love her husband and I don’t think that the stunt with the chariot of the sun was an escape attempt, just a bit of hubris.
The whole town was overjoyed when they realized that the missing Aponibolinayen had returned to them, safe and sound. It was quickly decided that, at the next full moon, they would perform a ceremony in honor of the spirits with sacrifices and much singing and dancing. All of the young woman’s relatives who had been mourning her loss would be invited to celebrate her return. The first step in the prep was of course to begin pounding out the rice that would be needed for the feasting. While they were thus busy, Aponibolinayen asked her mother to prick her pinky finger, which was unbearably itchy.
To everyone’s surprise, when her little finger was pricked, out popped a healthy baby boy. Even in this mythological version of society, this was very much Not Normal. What’s more, people couldn’t help but notice that this particular baby grew at a staggering rate. He seemed to shoot up like a weed every time he was bathed. In no time at all, he was walking and talking. It was all more than enough to make people suspect that something supernatural was going on here. People began to badger Aponibolinayen about just who the baby’s father was. She would say nothing except that he was her husband’s son, but no one knew who Aponibolinayen’s husband was either. Partly the people were prying into her business for the sake of curiosity, but it was also partly practical. It would have been a huge insult not to invite the husband to this great celebration, which was hard to do when you didn’t know who the fuck he was.
Since Aponibolinayen refused to say, the party planners eventually decided to just invite everyone in the whole gods damned world. That way, the father couldn’t possibly be accidentally left off the guest list. They sent out for betel-nuts covered in gold (when ripe, these nuts grow a golden husk and were traditionally sent as formal invitations to events). Once the nuts were oiled up and glistening to be properly presentable, the nuts were ordered to go forth and visit every town to compel everyone in the world to come to this ceremony. I want to be very clear here. I didn’t say that messengers are being sent out with the betel-nuts – the nuts themselves are apparently sentient enough to be their own messengers. “Oh, and don’t take no for an answer; if anyone tries to refuse your invitation, burrow into their knee and grow there.” As an introvert who does not want to be invited to random events for people I don’t know, I do not support or condone this action. Anywho.
The betel-nuts departed to do as they were bid. Soon enough, guests began to arrive from all over. The locals watched each new arrival for any sign of recognition from them or from Aponibolinayen in the hopes of spotting her secret husband, but no one seemed especially suspicious. It was deeply frustrating. In a surprisingly short time, everyone in the entire world had arrived, but no husband had been identified. They were troubled by this clearly impossible turn of events. Like, sure a baby could be born from a pricked finger, fine, but he still has to have a dad. I mean, they’re right but that’s still a leap of logic that I wouldn’t be as confident about given all the supernatural bullshit going on.
The people were concerned that the baby’s father would be insulted if he wasn’t invited, and it sure seemed like they had somehow missed him despite inviting literally everyone on the face of the earth. They went to Alokotan, an old wise woman who could speak to the spirits. They begged her to use her gifts to discover what town the betel-nut invitations had missed. Alokotan consulted with her spirit companions and received an answer. “You invited everyone on the earth, but you missed Ini-init because he doesn’t live on the earth. He lives above it, in the sky. Send a betel-nut to him specifically. It is entirely possible that he is the mysterious husband of Aponibolinayen. My spirits say that a siksiklat vine carried her up to the heavens before she disappeared.”
I have no idea how, but the little betel-nut somehow made its way up to the sky where Ini-init lived. “Good morning, o glorious Sun! I have come to summon you to a ceremony which the parents of Aponibolinayen are holding for the spirits in thanks for her miraculous return.” Ini-init shook his head. “I’m not really in the mood for a celebration, especially that one. I’m not going, thanks anyway.” The betel-nut managed to look both irritated and officious. “I have been instructed to insist on your attendance. If you refuse again, I’ll grow on your head.” It was a peculiar threat and one that Ini-init didn’t entirely understand, but that didn’t change his opinion. “Do what you gotta do, betel-nut. I’m not going.”
Quick as a wink, the nut leapt up onto Ini-init’s head and began to grow there in some truly awful body horror nonsense. It erupted from Sun’s head into a towering tree in a shockingly short time. In fact, it soon became so tall and heavy that Ini-init could no longer support the weight. He collapsed to the floor in great pain. “You’re crushing me, little nut! Go and grow on my pig.” I don’t know if this is meant as an insult or an instruction, but the betel-nut (who didn’t exactly have a brain) took it as the latter. It leapt off of Sun’s head and onto the pig’s. Unfortunately, the poor porker wasn’t any more able to bear the weight than his owner had been and he too collapsed, squealing in obvious distress. Upset at accidentally hurting his pig, Ini-init relented. “Fine, fine! Leave my pig alone and I’ll go to this stupid celebration.”
Thus it was that Ini-init came to the ceremony, the last to arrive. As soon as Aponibolinayen and the little baby saw him enter, they both smiled broadly and hurried over to greet him. It was obvious to anyone watching (which was the entire village) that here at last was Aponibolinayen’s secret husband. The locals all lined up excitedly to meet him after he was done greeting his wife and child. As he finally approached however, they noticed that he didn’t walk so much as wobble. In fact, he was actually quite round and not man-shaped at all. As he stopped beside them, the people realized that Aponibolinayen’s husband was not a man but a round stone. “What the actual fuck, Aponibolinayen? You married a rock? A fucking rock? Give us your beads and your good clothes, then get the fuck out of town. You can wear rags from now on and go live with your weird little rock family.” For context, it was customary for a Tinguan woman’s arms to always be covered in beads, layered strand above strand, except when she was in mourning. Them being stripped from her now is a sign of her being expelled from society. This is why she kept her husband’s identity a secret for so long.
Resigned, Aponibolinayen did so. She stripped off her beads and changed into old, worn rags that were brought for her. Together with Ini-init and her son, she set out for her home in the sky. When they arrived back at their comfortable little cabin on the river, the stone once more became the handsome man she loved. Those assholes down on earth were simply too closed-minded to see the Sun for what he was. The three of them lived there together and were very happy.
Still, the way that his wife had been treated irked Ini-init. He didn’t want her to lose her entire family and village because of him. “At the next full moon, we will host our own ceremony for the spirits. We’ll invite your people and I will pay your dowry to your mother and father, as is tradition.” This was an incredibly thoughtful gesture, and it moved Aponibolinayen to happy tears. They used their magic to create their own village with many neighbors to help them pound out the rice for the feast as well as to construct a proper spirit house. That done, they collected their own golden betel-nuts to send out invitations that were actually summons.
Aponibolinayen’s father didn’t want to go and see his lovely daughter marry a gods damned rock, but the betel-nut threatened to grow on his knee if he didn’t. With a long-suffering sigh, he agreed to go and called for the rest of the town to come along with him. Everyone washed their clothes and styled their hair, wanting to look their best for a spirit celebration, however ridiculous their rocky host might be. When they arrived at the house in the sky though, they were shocked to find that the stone was in fact an incredibly handsome man.
All the guests chewed betel nuts, which had been infused with magic to allow them to see who this mystery man was. They were surprised to find that this young man was in fact none other than the son of a couple from Aponibolinayen’s own village, a young man who had vanished long ago and all had thought long dead. I don’t know if Ini-init is actually this missing young man or if the magic betel-nuts are just transforming him into this guy so that everyone will accept him, his wife, and his child back into polite society, but I’m leaning towards the latter. It would just be too weird and coincidental even for a myth for the sun to somehow be this missing mortal kid (who is definitely not older than the sun).
They renamed the Sun Aponitolau (the name we met him with back in Episode 50) and everyone rejoiced at the miraculous return of another young person from the village thought dead and gone. His parents were only too happy to pay Aponibolinayen’s dowry: enough valuable jars to fill the spirit house nine times over. Everyone got down to the business of partying, dancing and feasting and generally making merry for a full month. When the guests all finally returned home, Aponibolinayen and Ini-init went with them to live on the earth. Which raises the question of who is pulling the sun across the sky now – is Big Star pulling double duty?
There are lots of stories centering around Aponibolinayen that may or may not be the same women. Often she is married to Aponitolau, but just as often she is instead married to a man named Gawigawen. We’ll have to revisit the Philippines at some point in the future to get one of their stories but for now, it’s time for Gods and Monsters. This is a segment where I get into a little more detail about the personalities and history of one of the gods or monsters from this week’s pantheon that was not discussed in the main story. This week’s epic conflict is the battle of the crabs.
This story also comes from Philippine Folk Takes, collected from the Tinguan people by Mabel Cook Cole in 1916. One day, the land crabs all got together for a meeting. I don’t know if this is a regular occurrence or if one of the crabs called a beach roommate meeting, so pick your favorite option. I lean towards the latter because there seems to be one specific topic to be discussed. “What can we do about the waves, ya’ll? They sing so loudly, and so incessantly, that we can’t possibly get any sleep.” They debated several options amongst themselves until one the largest and oldest crabs scuttled forward. “I think we should declare war on them!”
This was met with general cheering so it was thus decided to wage war on the waves. The very next day, all of the male crabs gathered on the beach and mustered for war. Mostly, this meant showing off their big battle claws to each other, but hey there’s something to be said for a little pre-war pep talk I guess. They assembled in rough battle lines and, more or less as one, they scuttled forward to engage their foe. Only they were interrupted in their charge by a shrimp who was in the way.
“Hey there, crab buddies. What, uh, whatcha doin? Looks awful important.” The crabs all puffed themselves up and showed off their claws again. “We’re marching to war, comrade shrimp. The waves are simply too loud all the time and it makes it impossible to get a good day’s sleep.” The story actually says night, but since most crabs are nocturnal, I’ve decided to swap it up for funsies. Anyway, the little shrimp just stared at the assembled crabs with unblinking eyes. I mean, shrimp eyes never really blink anyway but even if they could have, they wouldn’t have. That’s how incredulous this little shrimp was. “I…don’t think that’s going to be a very effective strategy. The waves are very large and very strong, whereas you all are so very puny and your legs are so weak and spindly. Hell they can barely support you when you walk – those chicken legs bend almost to the ground trying to hold your bodies up. Good luck with this nonsense, I guess.” Chortling to himself, the shrimp scurried off.
Well, he tried to. The crabs were feeling very crabby indeed at this little shrimp doubting their battle prowess. They surrounded him, cutting off his escape, and began pinching him with their claws until he promised to join the crab army and help them defeat the waves. Tiny the crabs might be compared to the ocean, but they were still plenty big to fuck up a mouthy shrimp. He quickly relented and joined what he was sure was a futile effort to quiet the waves. It was better than getting pinched.
The now slightly larger army continued their scuttle towards the foe. As they went though, they couldn’t help but notice that their new comrade shrimp looked silly as shit. His eyes were set completely differently from their own, making him look in a completely different direction as they advanced. Clearly he was built wrong – crab physiology was obviously superior. “Comrade shrimp, your face is turned the wrong way. How are you going to see the enemy? And even if you do see them, how are you going to fight? You don’t have big claws like us, so what are you going to fight with?” The shrimp sighed deeply. He didn’t even want to be here. “My weapon is a spear on my head and my eyes are just fine, thanks.”
Just then, the shrimp noticed an enormous wave washing along the beach and headed right for them. He fled, not caring if the crabs tried to pinch him again. As for said crabs, their eyes were all facing the shore, so they didn’t see the wave coming. It crashed down over them, dragging every last one of them deep into the sea. These were land crabs, so they couldn’t handle being dropped into the deep ocean and they all drowned. As the day wore on and the crab warriors didn’t return victorious, the crab wives became concerned. They gathered into their own army and scuttled down to the beach to join what was clearly an epic battle for the ages. They followed the tracks left by the male crabs down to the shore, but lost them at the water’s edge. No sooner had they reached the place where their husbands had been massacred than another wave swamped the remaining crabs and dragged them to a similar watery grave.
Crabs lay eggs and so, some time later, these hatched and thousands of little crabs appeared around the shore. The shrimp took pity on them (hey, it wasn’t the kids’ fault that their parents had been assholes) and told them the story of what had happened. Baby crabs don’t really need much in the way of raising, so they grew up healthy but with the terrible knowledge of their parents’ suicidal charge towards the waves. Even today, you’ll often see little crabs charging towards the ocean to avenge their parents, only for their courage to fail and send them scuttling away to safety again. Back and forth, back and forth they go, living neither on dry land as their ancestors did nor in the ocean proper as other crabs do. No, they are cursed to spend their lives on the shore where their parents died. Every high tide, the waves rise up and crash over the tiny crabs, trying still to dash them to pieces. After all, the war technically never ended.
That’s it for this episode of Myths Your Teacher Hated. Keep up with new episodes on our Facebook page, on iTunes, on TuneIn, on Vurbl, and on Spotify, or you can follow us on Instagram as MythsYourTeacherHatedPod, on Tumblr as MythsYourTeacherHated, and on Bluesky as MythsPodcast. You can also find news and episodes on our website at myths your teacher hated dot com. If you have any questions, any gods or monsters you’d want to learn about, or any ideas for future stories that you’d like to hear, feel free to drop me a line. I’m trying to pull as much material from as many different cultures as possible, but there are all sorts of stories I’ve never heard, so suggestions are appreciated. The theme music is by Tiny Cheese Puff.
I’ve recently launched a brand-new podcast that I’ve been working on for a while. It’s an actual play table-top role playing game show using a variety of systems to tell short arcs (roughly three to five episodes per story) influenced by some of our favorite classic cartoons. The first story of this new show, Saturday Morning Roleplay, will be the Recyclors, a mixture of the Transformers and Captain Planet using the Cartoon Action Hour system. The first episode should have already dropped by the time this episode airs, so you can find it on Facebook at Saturday Morning RPG or your favorite pod-catcher. Check it out!
Next time, we’ll head back to ancient Korea, back when tigers used to smoke. You’ll see that you should always make sure you have the right man before you kill him, that the King of Hell’s kids have lucrative but mundane jobs, and that most are not worthy to actually speak to the king. Then, in Gods and Monsters, a hungry tiger will watch a mother desperately try to quiet her crying baby. That’s all for now. Thanks for listening.