Episode 39I – Happily Ever After – Myths Your Teacher Hated

Episode 39I Show Notes

Source: French Folklore

This week on MYTH, we’re finally going to resolve all of the loose threads in this tangled story. This is the ninth and final episode in our telling of the classic French tale, Beauty and the Beast. You’ll see that no one is ever truly gone, that turning into a snake is apparently super scary, and that no one should be surprised that queens are classist. Then, in Gods and Monsters, we’ll meet the powerful fairy king stolen by Shakespeare. This is the Myths Your Teacher Hated podcast, where I tell the stories of cultures from around the world in all of their original, bloody, uncensored glory. Modern tellings of these stories have become dry and dusty, but I’ll be trying to breathe new life into them. This is Episode 39I, “Happily Ever After”. As always, this episode is not safe for work.
When we last left our story, we met a rich merchant in a city in France whose wife had probably died, but not before having six sons and six daughters with him. Things had gone pretty well until an unlucky fire had burned everything the merchant had owned, and a series of accidents on the high seas had destroyed his business dealings. Broke and bereft, he was forced to move his family out to a tiny cottage several hundred miles away from the city that he had managed to hang on to by his fingernails. The dozen children had settled into their new routine of being poor and abandoned by everyone who had previously wanted to either flirt, befriend, or fuck them, although all but the youngest had done so with bad grace. That young woman, nicknamed Belle (or Beauty) because of her incredible looks and even better personality, had been the only one to try and make the best of the situation. Two years into this Purgatory, a message had come that one ship full of goods had arrived at port unexpectedly. The merchant had rushed off to the city to try and get some of his previously vast wealth back, but he was cheated out of everything by his former partners and found himself having to head back in defeat six months later only to get lost in a blizzard. He wandered into a magical seeming castle full of weird shit but no people and, for reasons unknown, decided that fate wanted him to have it. He had plucked a rose for his beloved Belle, the only thing she had asked for while he was gone, only to be confronted by a horrible, hideous beast enraged at the merchant for ripping him off. The Beast demanded the merchant’s life, but offered to take one of his daughters in his stead, but only if she came to the castle willingly and in full knowledge of what awaited her. He warned the merchant that if he tried to flee or break the bargain, the Beast would hunt down everyone he ever loved. Then, he sent the man home for a month to say his goodbyes. When his children learn what happened, the sons offer to fight the Beast, and the daughters offer up Belle as a sacrifice. The merchant doesn’t want to accept this bargain, but Belle is insistent. At the end of the allotted month, the Beast’s horse arrived as promised to take them back to the castle and their certain doom. We then took a detour out to a neighboring kingdom to meet a Prince who’s father had been killed around the time he was born. A neighboring king decided that a widowed single mother with a newborn infant would make an easy target and invaded, forcing the Queen to ride off into battle with her army. Before leaving, she entrusted her son to the care of an old, ugly, mean-spirited but very powerful fairy to raise until the war was over. This she did for around 15 years, during which time she went all creeptown on the Prince and decided that she wanted to be his wife instead of his mother and began pressuring him to marry her. They rode out together to meet the Queen, since the Prince insisted he couldn’t wed without his mother’s blessing, and he took up arms for the final battle of the war. Victory achieved (although with the villain still alive against the advice of the Queen’s generals because she feared for the safety of her son), they began the long ride back home. Once there, the Fairy almost immediately tells the Queen of her desire to marry the Prince. The Queen, quite reasonably, is horrified by the idea and, exhausted from nearly two decades in the field, she tells the Fairy exactly what she thinks. The Fairy doesn’t take rejection well, and vows vengeance, leaving the mother and son writhing in pain on the palace floor. Back at the Beast’s castle, Belle and her father finally arrive to a huge celebration, with music and fireworks, much to their surprise. The Beast is polite about receiving his victim and offers her father two trunks full of whatever treasure he likes from the closet in payment for his daughter. He can’t exactly refuse, and so on Belle’s advice, he fills them up with gold, jewels, and dresses for his other daughters with the intention of keeping his new wealth secret from his children to keep them from getting greedy. They share one last meal together and, in the morning, the merchant rides off on the magical horse once more leaving Belle alone and in the clutches of a horrid monster. Belle takes a depression nap and meets a sweet, handsome, sexy man in her dreams who sweeps her off her feet. She wakes up and puts her dream lover out of her brain to go explore her prison. While wandering, she finds several portraits of the man from her dreams, and she decides that he must be a real person also kept prisoner by the Beast. At dinner, the Beast asks Belle to fuck him, she says no, and they both go to bed (where she spends more time with her dream Prince, who turns out to be the Prince from our aside, being punished by the wicked Fairy). She discovers wonders in the palace, including birds that sing opera and monkeys that perform theater. Days pass, weeks, and Belle explores more of the castle, discovering secret rooms with magical mirrors that let her spy on things happening far from the castle. She has more conversations with her dream lover and debates letting the Beast have sex with her just to get it over with. As he always does, her Prince just asks for her to help him escape his prison and the Beast. She has a nightmare of the Beast and the Prince fighting to the death, wrestling over control of a throne, but she doesn’t understand it. She finally got up the nerve to ask the Beast whether there were any other people in the castle,and he tells her no, so she now knows that the Prince is being imprisoned on the grounds outside of the castle somewhere. The thought of this place becoming her tomb depresses her. When her Prince finds her that night, she is weeping, and he asks her what’s wrong, did the Beast do something? He swears to kill the creature. A dagger appeared in his hand and the Beast appeared before him, offering no resistance as the Prince begins to stab him over and over and over again. Belle intervenes, begging the Prince to spare the Beast, which angers the human. He declares that she must not really love him before the whole scene dissolved. The loneliness is starting to make her physically ill, and even the stupid Beast notices how shitty she looks. He asks her what would make her feel better, and she says she misses her family and would like to see them again. The Beast flies into a bitter rage at her words, but is talked into letting Belle go home for two months. He warns her that if she doesn’t come back in two months, she shouldn’t bother coming back at all because all she’ll find is his withered, rotting corpse. She asks her Prince to come with her, but he tells her he can’t unless she promises to leave and never come back, dooming the Beast to death, which she won’t do. The Prince is an asshole about it, and Belle wakes from the dream in her father’s new home. Her sisters are as bitchy as ever towards her, but her father and brothers are glad to see her. The merchant advises Belle to marry the Beast, but she tells him she loves the Prince. Her sisters have new suitors who want to marry them, and they decide to hold the weddings while Belle is in town, only all of the men decide they actually love Belle instead and compete with each other to win her hand. Trying to talk them out of it only makes them more determined to love her, pissing off her sisters farther. Belle has a nightmare where the Beast asks why she has abandoned him, and she wakes realizing that she’s lost track of time and her two months is up. She has to go back today if she’s going to save the Beast. Her brothers tried to talk her out of going back, her sisters encouraged her to go, and her father had resigned himself to the inevitability of her leaving. Belle’s many suitors surrounded the house to try and keep her from heading back to the Beast, but she goes to sleep in her bedroom after turning the magic ring around and wakes up back in the castle. She farts around all day, waiting for dinner and the Beast’s arrival. He never arrives. She goes looking for him, searching the grounds, and eventually finding him inside the cave from her dreams. With the help of her monkey servants, she saves the Beast, then collapses into an exhausted sleep. The next day, at dinner, she agrees to go to bed with the Beast, but only if he marries her first. Since there’s no one there to marry them, they marry themselves and go to their marriage bed together. She expects him to crawl on top of her, but instead, he passes out beside her. In her dreams, the Prince is overjoyed at her marriage, which confuses and upsets Belle. She’d hoped he’d be at least a little jealous that she was marrying someone else. She wakes in the morning to find the Prince sleeping beside her where the Beast had been and realizes that they are the same person. She tries to rouse him, even breaking into song because that’s what Disney princesses do, but it doesn’t work. She figures he’ll wake up in his own time and besides, her monkey butler has told that several ladies have arrived in an incredibly fancy carriage.
Belle could hear the ladies approaching. She went out to meet them in the antechamber to be polite. Two women were waiting there for her, one of whom she recognized as the beautiful, regal woman from her dreams. The other is a stranger, although no less stunning, noble, and distinguished looking. Both women had an aura of mature authority and majestic grandeur, so Belle wasn’t sure which she should greet first per protocol. She froze, unsure, and the first lady, the one she recognized and who seemed to be the one in charge, turned to the other. “Well, Queen, what do you think of this beautiful girl? You owe your son’s restoration to her and maybe even his life, since his existence as that miserable creature could hardly be called life. Somehow, though, he managed to find a woman as good, courageous, and virtuous as she is beautiful, and I imagine you will be happy to see your son officially marry her. All they need to be completely happy now is your blessing. Will you offer it?”
The Queen broke into a radiant smile, and glided to Belle, enfolding her in a bone-creaking hug. “Of course they have my blessing! I owe you a great deal, young woman; tell me, please, what king and queen raised such an incredible princess?” Belle, catching on that this must be the Queen that went with her Prince, dropped a deep curtsey. “Your highness, it has been many years since I had a mother, but my father is a merchant, known for his good heart and his misfortunes rather than any noble birth.”
The Queen’s face froze. “Wait, what? You’re nothing but a merchant’s daughter? Shit. Fairy!” She threw a mortified look at the other woman. She said nothing, but the disappointment was clear in her eyes. “You are not content with my choice, Queen? You seem contemptuous on this girl because of her common birth, but she was the only woman in the world who could have broken this curse, saved your son, and made him happy. Maybe you shouldn’t be such an ungrateful bitch.”
The Queen’s eyes flashed, but she kept her tone respectful. She’d learned that lesson. “I am more than grateful to her for all that she has done, but just the same, most powerful Fairy, a Prince cannot marry a common woman. It’s unnatural to mix the blood in my son’s veins – the noblest in all the world – with that of this common wench. If his happiness must be purchased at the price of this shame, I’m not sure it was worth it; this marriage is completely unworthy of him. You seriously couldn’t find a single princess who would have done the trick? I know a lot of perfectly sweet princesses who would be better suited for him.”
It was then that the Prince strolled into the room, having been awakened by the arrival of his mother and the Fairy. The story says that the noise they were making had more of an effect on him than anything Belle had done, but I have to suspect that the Fairy’s powerful magic had more than a little to do with it. The Queen rushed to embrace her son, throat too tight with emotion to speak. She was unutterably happy to have her son back in his rightful form again, and free of that horrid stupidity that had been the worst of it. They hugged for a long moment, and then the Prince disentangled himself and went to the Fairy to thank her for her aid in freeing him. He was brief about it, but so flowery and courteous that no one could complain he hadn’t been grateful enough. That done, he turned to Belle.
His eyes spoke to her, confirming that he still felt everything he had told her in the dreams, but as he opened his mouth to echo the sentiment, the Fairy interrupted him. “Prince, your mother and I are having a little disagreement. I need you to act as judge between us, okay?” He nodded his assent. “Your mother condemns your engagement to this lovely young woman, believing that Belle is too far beneath you by birth to be a suitable wife. I, on the other hand, maintain that her virtues more than compensate for any lack of status and maintain that your mother is being a classist bitch. Who do you agree with, Prince? I assure you that no pressure will be brought to bear on your decision. You have given your word, but you are free to take it back now if you wish with no risk from the enchantment. I can also guarantee that Belle will free you from your promise if that is your wish, because she is a truly caring woman, although it is entirely thanks to her that you are standing here now as you are. Would you agree, Belle, that you would not want a husband against his will?”
Belle’s chest was tight with the loss she was already feeling. She was so close to finally having her Prince all to herself, but now she was going to lose him. Still, she knew that the Fairy was right – she would never be happy with the Prince if she knew he only married her out of obligation. “Yes, great Fairy. The Prince is free: I renounce our engagement and the honor of being his bride. When we were betrothed, I thought I was taking pity on something less than a man; ambition was never part of it. I beg you, mighty Fairy, not to exact anything from the Queen. I cannot blame her for her scruples in this matter.”
The Fairy’s tone was icy cold, her features composed in a haughty scowl, as she turned to the Queen. “Well, Queen, what say you? Do you honestly think that any of your princesses would be as honorable? That they would make such a sacrifice? That they would be a better wife for your son?” The Queen was visibly embarrassed, but she was also very stubborn. She hadn’t led an army for over a decade in a time when a female general was wildly unusual without a strong will, after all. “Belle is incomparable, I agree. Her merit is infinite, and I have nothing at all against her, but surely we can reward her in some way that does not degrade my son? With the exception of that one thing, I will gladly give her anything her heart desires.” She turned to Belle.
“I owe you more than I can ever repay, I know. Ask for anything but my son, and it is yours. Literally anything. Choose a husband from among the lords of my court, and he shall be yours. No matter how high his rank, he will be lucky to have a wife as incredible as you. For your sake, I will even place him close to the throne at court. There will be very little difference to you. You’ll have more or less the same lifestyle.”
“I thank you, your majesty, but I expect and deserve no reward from you. The joy at having broken this curse, which deprived a mother of her son and a kingdom of its prince, has itself repaid me. My happiness could only have been greater if I had performed this service for my own sovereign. My only request is that the Fairy send me back to my father.”
The Prince had remained silent throughout this debate, taking his role as judge seriously, but he couldn’t make himself stay silent any longer. “DON’T YOU DARE!” He threw himself at the feet of the Fairy and the Queen and begged them not to send Belle away. “Without her, I will be far more wretched than ever I was as the Beast. She will I marry, or no one. I love her, and I cannot be happy without her by my side!” Belle’s eyes filled with tears at this declaration, at this confirmation that he loved her the way she loved him, but she knew what she had to do, and Belle would do her duty. She loved her Prince too much to let him throw himself away for her sake.
“There’s no way that I can hide how much I love you, my Prince: the broken curse is proof of it. Without hesitation, I can declare that I love you more than I love myself. Why pretend otherwise? It’s not like I have any ill intentions here, like the Fairy we owe so much to has said. I love you, but if I was willing to put my own feelings aside and marry the Beast because it was the right thing to do, then you must know that I am even more willing to do the same when it is your best interests I am serving, rather than the Beast’s. I know who you are, and I know who I am, and so I renounce the honor of being your bride, my love. If I had a ring, I’d return it right now. Even if you somehow convinced the Queen to change her mind, you won’t change mine. I do this for love of you, and because I know it is my duty. I am sorry, Prince, but I cannot marry you. Send me home to my family, and I ask no other reward. I will cherish our time together forever.”
The Prince wasn’t ready to give Belle up. He crawled to the Fairy and clutched her ankles as he begged. “Take pity on me, good Fairy! I beseech you not to let Belle go. Turn me back into the Beast and let me stay her husband. She was engaged to the Beast, and I would rather have that than my own form and mind. Without her, being uncursed is Hell itself.”
The Fairy made no answer, her gaze fixed on the Queen. The Prince’s mother was visibly touched by the obvious love of these two for one another, but her pride was unyielding. She despaired at her son’s pain, but she simply couldn’t allow him to marry a common merchant’s daughter. She also feared the anger of the Fairy, having felt the agony of a slighted fae already, so she didn’t know what to do. Her voice caught in her throat, terrified of pushing the Fairy over the edge and beginning some new, more horrible torment for them all.
It was the Fairy who broke the strained silence. “I find you two worthy of one another – it would be a crime to break your obvious bond. I swear that you shall remain united, and I have the power to make it so.” The Queen shuddered at this pronouncement and opened her mouth to object, but the Fairy cut her off. “Queen, you place too little value on virtue and honor and too much on empty titles. I’m disappointed in you, but I forgive you – it would be silly to expect anything else of someone born and bred a monarch. I will take no vengeance for your slights beyond forcing you to endure this sting to your prejudice. You’ll thank me for this soon enough.”
At this, Belle dropped to her knees before the Fairy and hugged her, tears flowing freely. “Please, Great Fairy, do not force me to endure the pain of having to hear how I am unworthy of the rank you are granting me for the rest of my life! I couldn’t stand it if the Prince, who thinks this will make him happy, one day comes to resent my poor birth.” The Fairy smiled indulgently. “Don’t worry, sweet girl: that’s not going to happen. Even if the Prince were somehow capable of despising you after your wedding, which I doubt, he would have to find some other reason for it.
“You see, Belle, it turns out that your birth is not actually inferior to his in any way. If anything, you are slightly higher in rank than he.” She turned to the Queen, who was gaping open-mouthed at this impossible speech. “It so happens, Queen, that I know a secret about this young woman: she is your niece as well as my own. My sister, who wasn’t such a stickler for ridiculous titles, married your brother, the King of the Happy Islands. A wicked Fairy wanted to be their child’s step-mother, so I spirited her away to protect her, always intending for her to marry your son. I didn’t tell you any of this to make sure everything happened as it had to and honestly, I thought you trusted me more than you do. Given that she is the daughter of a mortal king and the niece of a Fairy, I suspect that you will bless this union, no?”
The Queen was dumbfounded at this revelation (as was Belle), but she was wise and gracious enough to admit her mistake and thank the Fairy for her benevolence and tolerance. She also assured Belle (whether honestly or not, I have no idea) that most of her resistance had been from a desire to marry her son to her niece (which isn’t weird for a royal marriage), whom the fairies had assured her was alive and the most perfect woman for her son. Belle, getting over her astonishment enough to speak, asked the Fairy to inform the merchant (whom she still thought of as her father, biology be damned) of the good news, which she was more than happy to do. The Fairy then asked the Queen to come with her on a tour of the palace (although she mainly wanted to give the happy couple a chance to talk for the first time without any illusions shrouding them from one another).
Belle, reasonably enough, begged her new husband to tell her about himself, and especially how he had become the Beast. He told her the story we got back in Episodes 39C and D. “The evil Fairy laughed that I would be as stupid as I was ugly and cursed me to remain that way until a young, beautiful maiden sought me out of her own accord, fully expecting that I was going to rape, murder, and/or devour her. She also had to somehow get over those fears without much help from me and then fall in love enough to propose marriage to me. She left my mother exactly as she had always been, but warned her that if she told anyone anything about what had happened or who the Beast really was, all chance of breaking the curse would be lost. I was forbidden any ability to use my charms, intelligence, or any outside aid to achieve this, leaving me as you found me. She disappeared after that.
“We were too miserable to even weep. Without discussing it, my mother decided to throw herself on a sword, and I to fling myself in the canal and drown. We set out on our suicide missions, but met a regal, beautiful woman who turned out to be a good Fairy, although we didn’t know that at the time. She told us that suicide was the coward’s way out, and that there was no misfortune too great to be overcome. She could see that we were too deep in our despair to have any idea how to run the kingdom now that the Prince had to vanish without explanation, and she told us to find a way to solve our problems rather than giving in to despair. My mother asked if such a remedy existed, and the Fairy told us who she was. She said that her power was greater, but she did not have the ability to break the curse immediately, since Fairy law prevented them from turning their power against one another directly. The wicked Fairy was older, and could claim certain privileges, but this Fairy was smarter and could help us undo the curse.
“She drew a book from somewhere in her robes and read for a long time, with such intensity that she was actually sweating! Finally, she told us she had found a solution, but it would be slow. We would have to keep the secret entirely to ourselves, which the wicked Fairy assumed the Queen would be unable to do. My mother worried that, since two of her attendants had been in the room when this all took place, the entire palace probably knew by now, and there would be no stopping its spread throughout the world. The Fairy nodded and began to walk in a slow circle, chanting as she went. With a shout and an imperious gesture, the magic exploded through the castle, turning every living soul into a statue, those same statues that you must have noticed on your way in here. They froze in the places and positions they happened to be in when the spell took hold. The Queen was horrified, but the Fairy assured her that this enchantment would only last until the need for secrecy was past, and that no one would age a day while frozen. She then raised a thick fog around the castle to protect everyone, especially me, that would prevent anyone from entering without her willing it so.
“The Queen was sent back to our kingdom, and told to inform the people that I was still in the hands of the wicked Fairy, just as I had been while she was leading the army. After many tears, the Queen did as she must and left me here alone. She wanted desperately to stay with me and appoint someone to rule as her regent, but the Fairy had issued a command, and even queens must obey (as we had so recently learned). After my mother returned to our people, the Fairy outfitted this castle with everything she could imagine to keep me entertained, then left me with promises to return when she had news.
“I spent my time the same way you did at first: I read, went to the theater, and even cultivated a little garden. Anything I planted grew full-sized overnight, so it took me no time at all to produce the rose-tree your father found, to which I owe all my happiness. The Fairy was true to her word, and kept my mother and I informed of everything that was happening. One day, she arrived with a sparkle in her eyes and told me that a man was approaching. She told me of everything he had been through, and said he had a daughter who, if we were lucky, could be the woman to free me from the curse. The wicked Fairy had slipped up in insisting that you come here in mortal terror of me instead of out of love. That was easier to arrange. She told me exactly what to say to the merchant to make him think his life was in danger, which would convince you to come here to save his life.
“I did as she told me, forced to pretend that I was as stupid as I was hideous. I was agonized with uncertainty as I watched him riding off, hoping he would return with you, although I couldn’t believe that anyone would willingly give their life to the slavering jaws of a terrifying monster like me. Even if she did, how on earth was she supposed to come to love her captor?
“I arranged a dazzling display when the Fairy told me you were coming, since I couldn’t tell you how much it meant to me. She expressly forbid me from attempting to please you in any way, or show any affection for you at all. The most I could do was to be lenient, since the malicious fairy had fortunately forgotten to forbid that. It was hell. I hated being so cold and cruel to you, but I had no choice. We decided that I should only spend a few minutes every day with you, and to follow the script she gave me so that I would have less chance of slipping up and telling you something that would doom me. You came, my beloved Princess, and although you loathed the first sight of my hideous form, I loved you the moment I saw you. How could I not?
“I still can’t believe that you were so kind to me with as cold as I was and as ugly. You were kind and courteous, and I was sure that you were just doing the polite and dutiful thing; there was no way you were falling in love with me. I knew I would be a Beast forever, but at least I could be near you. The Fairy told me to be patient, but it was so hard. She turned me invisible during the day so that I could look on you without frightening you or being forced to speak with you and be forced to be rude. I was one of your invisible servants, who worked together with your animal butlers.
“The Fairy went a step further and began to meddle with your dreams. She let you wander around the castle and meet with a dream version of my real self, then fucked around with the castle’s layout to let you find those portraits of me, which led you to some confused version of the truth. I could watch what she was doing through a magic mirror, but it wasn’t actually me talking with you at night, and no amount of watching you spend time with dream me was enough to make up for not being able to actually spend time with you. When you finally got up the nerve to ask if there were any other people on the castle grounds, I wanted to cast aside the Beast’s feigned stupidity. Honestly, I was on the point of telling you the whole thing and confessing my love to you, but the Fairy appeared invisibly behind you and forced my silence: she stood behind you, dagger drawn, and made it very clear that if I said a goddamned word beyond the script, that she would slit your throat right then and there. That was the one thing I couldn’t risk, and so I shut the hell up.
“Then, you asked to see your father, and I gave you my permission. How could I deny you anything? I thought for sure that you were never coming back, though, and if it weren’t for the watchfulness of the Fairy, I’d be dead. I wanted to kill myself, and only the Fairy’s constant presence kept me from committing suicide; if I’d been alone, I definitely would have ended it in my despair. It was so much harder being alone in the castle after having shared it with you, and the only thing that gave me any comfort was to visit your favorite places and imagine you there with me.
“When the two months were up, and you didn’t come back, I knew I’d been right to give up hope. I finally figured out a way to kill myself that she couldn’t prevent – I stopped eating. I tried to starve myself to death since I couldn’t stand being without you for the rest of my life. Her magic was able to slow my death, but not prevent it entirely and she watched as I grew weaker and weaker. Another day or two, and starvation would finally have ended it all, but then you showed up like my own angel of mercy. I couldn’t believe that you had come back, and when you told me that you actually cared for me, my heart soared! I still couldn’t tell you my secret, even after we were betrothed, and I had to fall asleep by your side as the Beast, which was the happiest I had ever been. That was enough to break the curse, since I was myself again when I woke up, and I immediately came looking for you.”
The two lovers held each other quietly for a moment before a commotion from outside drew their attention. A man was arriving with a procession, and from his dress and his manor, it was clear that he was a King. He was no longer a young man, but he was still devastatingly handsome and it was clear to Belle that he must have been the most gorgeous man alive in the flower of his youth. He was flanked by 12 bodyguards and a number of courtiers, all of whom seemed shocked to find themselves outside of a strange castle that wasn’t supposed to be here. The fact that they were attended by thin air and greeted with music from nowhere didn’t help matters.
As soon as the Fairy noticed him, she pointed him out to the Queen. “Behold your brother the King, Belle’s father! He has no idea that you’re here, or even that his daughter is still alive. He mourns her every bit as much as he does his wife, whom he loves still.” The two women hurried to gather up Belle and the Prince, then descended together to greet the monarch.
He didn’t recognize the people clearly advancing to meet him, and some of them looked familiar, but he couldn’t place them. He froze in surprise and uncertainty as to what to do, but Belle rushed to hug him. “Hello, Father.” He hugged her back, although he had no idea who she was or why she was calling him that. She must be confused. He guessed that she was an orphan Princess in trouble come to beg for his help and protection. Calling him dad was a weird way to do that, but he was a nice guy and was fully prepared to help them out however he could. He was about to tell her this when he finally got a good look at the Queen and recognized her as his sister. He would have noticed sooner, but he had absolutely not expected to find her here.
She too hugged him, and proudly presented her son to him and told him the abridged version of the ordeal he had undergone and of everything that Belle had done to free him. “That was bravely done, young Princess. Thank you for everything you have done for my nephew. What is your name? I want to thank you properly for all you’ve done.” The Fairy broke in. “Come on, King. Doesn’t she remind you of anyone?” He looked at her again, really taking in her features, and the world went a little wavery with unshed tears in his eyes. “She looks just like my wife. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was my daughter somehow brought back from the grave.” He shook his head sadly. “Nonsense, of course. My daughter was killed by savage beasts when she was just a baby.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure, King. Belle here is your daughter. I brought you here for the explicit reason of telling you this and reintroducing you to your long-lost daughter. There is no longer any need to hide her birth.” “But how…” “There’ll be time for that later. For now, meet your daughter and your soon-to-be son-in-law.” He hugged his daughter to him again, weeping openly, then the whole group went inside to talk, except for the Fairy who spent the time giving the living statues back their senses and power of speech. She let the Queen be the one to actually restore them to life, though, as their plight had so worried her initially. The Fairy gave her the wand and walked her through the spell: “Come back to life for your king is saved!”
Once everyone was safe again, the Fairy and the Queen returned to the group, where Belle and the Prince were trying to explain to the King that she’d had no idea who she really was and that they were engaged to be married, but he seemed too shell-shocked to be taking it in. The Fairy coughed politely, and everyone fell silent to let her speak. “I know that you know the laws of Happy Island, King, but Belle, the Queen, and the Prince probably don’t, so I’ll explain. Everyone there, including the King, is given complete freedom to select a spouse without regard to title, station, or any other obstacle. Because of this, the King was able to woo and win a beautiful young shepherdess he met while out hunting one day.
They talked and he fell deeply in love with her good heart, wise mind, and beautiful soul. He never had any reason to regret raising the commoner to queen, although he did not have the joy of her company for very long. Not long after his daughter was born, he was forced to set out for the borderlands to put down a rebellion that was just beginning to form. While he was gone, he received word that his wife had died.” As she spoke, the King was deeply affected with this retelling of the tragedy he had never gotten over. He still loved his long-dead wife as much as he ever had.
The Fairy gave the King a compassionate look. “Your feelings prove that you deserved your happiness, and I won’t dwell on such a painful subject. I bring it up, King, because your bride had a secret she never revealed – she was my sister, and a Fairy like myself. She had heard wonderful tales of your kingdom and decided to visit in the disguise of a humble shepherdess. It was supposed to be a short visit, but then she met you. She found you witty, handsome, and charming, and decided to spend time with you. She knew that kings often like to rape pretty common women, but she figured that her magic would stop you if it came to that, but you were a perfect gentleman. She convinced another fairy to play her mother and got a bunch of genii to pretend to be their flock of sheep in a magical cottage. She had started seeing you purely out of curiosity as to whether there were any good men left, worthy of love on their own merits, but that curiosity turned to genuine love.
“You now realize just how much your wife loved you. She was no commoner, raised to power by your generosity, but one of the fae for whom the kingdoms of man are like presents that we can bestow on those we wish. She loved you and she rushed to marry you without thinking about how dangerous this was for her. Our laws expressly forbid marriage to anyone who is not our equal in power, at least if we are not yet old enough to be considered one of the Elders. Even then, marrying a mortal is a huge scandal, and the aged fairies involved almost always pay dearly for their folly – they tend to marry young men who grow to resent them. There’s no actual punishment for making this rash decision beyond the harsh treatment received at the brutal hands of the poorly-chosen husband.
“My sister was too young to make this choice, but she thought she could keep her marriage a secret. There’s not a lot of checking up on other fairies, as we’re usually free to wander the world, doing good or wicked deeds as we see fit. When we return home, we don’t have to explain what we’ve been up to unless we do something that gets talked about at home or some fairy takes up the cause of a poor mortal unjustly persecuted by another fairy. Everything we do is recorded automatically in a great magic book, but it’s too much of a hassle to go through unless there’s cause. We also have to appear three times a year for the general assembly, but that usually only lasts a few hours. Otherwise, we can pretty much do whatever the fuck we want.
“My sister would always make sure that you were away on business or a hunting trip or something when she had to go home, then she would retire to her chambers to write letters or to lie down or whatever excuse seemed useful, then whisk herself away to the Fairy Kingdom. I was the only one she told of her secret. I warned her that this was foolish and dangerous, but she was too besotted with you to care. She asked me to come visit and meet you, promising that I would understand once I did. While it didn’t completely excuse my sister’s folly, it did make her decision make a whole lot more sense. It also made me actually care about trying to keep her secret.
“We’re supposed to do a certain number of good deeds throughout the world every year, and someone noticed that all of my sister’s deeds were for people on the Happy Islands. Some bitchy fairies complained about this, and our Queen asked her to explain why she was only helping one small corner of the world. The young fairies especially were supposed to travel all over, performing their deeds far and wide to spread our fame and power.
“My sister couldn’t exactly refuse this, and so she promised to travel and do good deeds all over. She meant to, but she could never seem to get away for long enough to do what she was supposed to. At the next assembly, it was revealed that she had only spent a quarter of the time she was supposed to spreading the might of the fae. This pissed our Queen right the fuck off and she threatened to reduce the Happy Isles to a pile of ash and ruin to make my sister obey the law. This reduced her to horrified tears, and the jig was up. Even the stupidest fairy there could plainly tell that this kingdom was especially important to her for some reason.
“It was then that a wicked Fairy, the same that cursed the Prince, schemed an evil scheme. ‘If we open the Great Book on her life, I bet we’ll find what she’s hiding.’” She grabbed the book and began to read aloud from it. The revelation of this degrading alliance caused an uproar among the gathered fairies. They demanded that my sister be punished, and so she was thrown in prison. She begged them to let her live with you as a mortal, denied all of her power, and her desperate pleas for mercy touched the hearts of the younger fairies. If the matter had been put to a vote, she might well have gotten off with a reprimand.
“Unfortunately, the eldest fairy, known as the Mother of the Seasons, cut off all discussion. ‘There is no excuse for this crime and if it is allowed to go unpunished, we invite further insults and defiance from these young assholes. Our honor is at stake, and this miserable bitch has no respect for how she has defiled it. I doubt she’s even sorry for marrying a mortal bastard. You see how much she loves the mortal world, so separating her from it is the most potent punishment possible. Let her husband mourn her death! Let her daughter be given to a monster!’
“This old bitch carried a lot of respect, and she swayed enough fairies to turn the tide against my sister. The Queen pitied her, but she agreed with the crowd: my sister would be thrown in prison. The wicked Fairy, however, had been enchanted with the incredible picture she had painted of her dear husband. Under the pretext of going to see if you were as deserving of my sister’s sacrifice as she said, she went to see the King. She had been appointed the guardian of the Prince, so she would never have dared to leave him alone, but my sister’s story had given her the idea of using invisible fairies she could bully into obeying her to watch him while she was gone.
“While all of this had been going on, my sister’s people back in the Happy Isle were becoming worried at her refusal to come out of her room. They left her alone overnight, but in the morning, terrified that something awful had happened, they broke down the door. The room was empty, which was somehow worse. They searched everywhere for her, but found no trace. They imagined that some great calamity must have befallen her, because they couldn’t even conceive of the thought that she had fled on her own. She was too well beloved by the people, and the genuine affection between her and her husband was too obvious. She must have been taken. This left her attendants terrified of what to do. The king’s wrath would be terrible at their failure to protect her, so either they had to flee the country, confess to the king a crime they hadn’t committed, or hide the whole thing from him. They decided on this last option, and sent off a message that the Queen had suddenly taken gravely ill, then almost immediately a second saying that she had died. They didn’t want to risk having you rush home and catch them, so they held a state funeral for her without a body and kept everything secret from you forever.
“Everyone, and I do mean everyone, knew what had happened except you. No one had the heart to tell you. Naturally, you sent for your daughter, wanting to have her with you for the comfort that a small part of you wife would provide. The wicked Fairy, meanwhile, had fallen deeply in lust with the King and had decided to repeat my sister’s mistake; however, you were so obviously inconsolable at her supposed death that she knew she wouldn’t be able to win you over by just showing up. She thought that if she could show off her wit and cunning, she could convince to fuck her if not to love her.
“In a nearby kingdom, there happened to be a Queen who had been driven out by a usurper who had murdered her husband. She was roaming the land in search of asylum and vengeance, so the wicked Fairy kidnapped her, put her in an enchanted sleep, and took her form. Then, she went to the King in her disguise and threw herself at his feet. She begged for sanctuary and for help in punishing her husband’s assassin, swearing that she would gladly renounce her crown and give it to the one who helped her get justice. As miserable as he was, the King was too kind a man to refuse a woman in need.
“Their mutual grief brought them close, and they comforted one another. The King lost no time in taking back her throne and punishing the usurper and the rebels as she had asked, but when all was said and done, she refused to return to her country. She begged to stay with the king out of fear for her safety and to have him rule in her name since he had refused her offer of the crown for himself. He was too kind to refuse her request, and she was allowed to live at court. Besides, he thought that having a strong female presence at the court might come in handy when it came to raising his daughter (and the wicked fairy was all about this since she knew that the daughter was the sole object of her father’s affections after the death of her mother).
“The fairy pretended to adore the little girl, and picked her up and held her. She guessed the king’s mind and begged to be allowed to take charge of her education, claiming that she already thought of the child as her own. She claimed that she reminded her of the daughter she’d had with her late husband, who’d been murdered in the coup. He barely hesitated in agreeing, and she became the perfect nanny. The King soon loved her as he would a sister, which wasn’t at all what she wanted. She wanted a piece of that ass, or better yet, a ring on that finger. Even if the King hadn’t loved and lost one of the most beautiful fairies of all the fae, that wretched bitch was hardly one to make him fall in love with her. It didn’t help that, because she was naturally ugly, she could only use her magic to be beautiful one day a year.
“She knew she had to rely on other things to get the King to woo her. She intrigued with the nobles to get them to beg you to consider remarrying and point her out as a suitable match. He wasn’t fooled, and knew exactly where the pressure had come from (she hadn’t been as subtle as she thought in sounding out his feelings). He made it very clear that he had no intention of ever marrying her and making her your daughter’s stepmother and risk her place as the heir to the throne. He also indicated that it would be best if this foreign queen went back home; she had overstayed her welcome, but he would be happy to treat favorably with her kingdom in the future.
“The wicked fairy lied and said she didn’t really care about marrying him, she just wanted to make sure he didn’t take her throne from her, pretending that she had offered the kingdom previously as a test. She convinced him, but she was furious at nearly being thwarted in her scheme. She was certain that it was all Belle’s fault that he wouldn’t fuck her and began to hate her with every bit as much passion as she hated your dead wife. She figured that with Belle gone, the king would have to remarry in order to make a new heir (not that her dusty, shrivelled body was up to the task). She was one callous bitch.
“She schemed with several vicious members of the King’s court to remove the baby princess. They decided to smother the child and say she had died suddenly. They further decided to commit this heinous murder in a neighboring forest so that no one could walk in and surprise them mid-kill. They would also be way too far to have sought help, making them safe from blame. One of the nobles was picked to run for aid and would even pretend to be shocked to find the princess dead when they got back.
“Before they locked my sister up, she begged me to do whatever I could to help you, King, and to watch over her daughter. I was going to help even before she asked. I went to see you as often as I could, but I didn’t want to make the wicked Fairy suspicious that I knew what she was up to. I had convinced everyone that I had abandoned my sister and her family, so I couldn’t risk being found out. I figured out what she was up to, but I couldn’t exactly oppose her openly. I could easily have taken the child from the faithless nobles she had sent to do her dirty work, but I would have revealed myself and risked having the evil fairy steal her back and do the deed herself. A fairy has to be 1000 years old before they can dispute something with our elders, and I’m not that old. The only other way is to survive the trials of the serpent period, but these are so terrible that even our bravest shudder at the thought. Without some truly powerful reason, no one would dare attempt it.
“I was 990 years old at the time, so waiting seemed the better option. I took the form of a she-bear and hid myself near the spot where they had decided to murder the baby. As they took the child to strangle it, I charged out. They dropped the poor child in terror and fled, but I was faster. I ripped both of those assholes to bloody shreds and carried off Belle in secret, leaving her clothes behind, torn up and covered in the blood of the dead traitors. The Fairy thought she had gotten what she wanted and had gotten her two accomplices dead at the same time. Even better for her, some shepherds had seen the attack from afar and saw the traitors die, leaving the wicked Fairy without suspicion in the girl’s death.
“It worked out just as well for me. The wicked Fairy was so convinced of her own cleverness that it never occurred to her to check up on it, which was lucky since I couldn’t have stopped her then if she’d come back for Belle. Even apart from the whole age thing, the King had given her authority over the child, and only he could revoke it. I could kill the traitors, but not the Fairy. One problem down, one to go – the Mother of Seasons had vowed to give my niece to a monster. She was only three years old, though, so I had time to figure out some way to blunt this curse.
“I needed a safe place to keep the child while I figured this whole thing out, so I went to the country disguised as a mortal. I found what I needed in a little hamlet. Inside a spacious cottage, three people were asleep beside an expensive-looking cradle, much grander than the rest of the place. The child inside was clearly ill, and the three nurses appeared to have fallen asleep caring for the baby. I approached and picked up the baby, planning to heal it and surprise the poor exhausted caretakers, but she died before I could reach her. It was tragic, but it also gave me an idea. I took the tiny body away and replaced it with the baby Belle, letting everyone think she was the same child, cured of her illness. I buried it in a quiet, solemn ceremony, then returned to the house.
“In the guise of a peasant, I knocked on the door and feigned some provincial accident. I claimed to be a stranger and begged for a place to spend the night. They let me stay, and were surprised and delighted to find the baby (who they couldn’t tell from the dead child) back in good health. They told me that the child was the daughter of a rich merchant, and one of the three women was its nurse. The child had been weaned but had fallen ill at home, and had been brought to the country in the hope that fresh air would help. It seemed that it had. They were looking forward to taking it back to its father in the morning; he loved his daughter and was sure to give them a fat reward for doing so.
“I went about my business in the morning, then doubled back as a fortune teller and followed them to the merchant. He was delighted to see what he thought was his daughter in such good health, and he took her in his arms, smiling and cooing. I seized on the opportunity, telling him in mystical tones that she would be a source of great honor to her family and great wealth to the merchant, and that she would save his life and the lives of his other children. I told him she would be so beautiful that everyone would name her Beauty (knowing full well how attractive both her parents were). He gave me a gold piece in thanks for my prediction, and I withdrew.
“I returned to Fairyland and told my sister what had become of her daughter, giving her news as often as I could. The King, of course, was inconsolable. He couldn’t prove that the wicked fairy had been part of it, but he knew just the same. At the very least, she had been incredibly negligent in her duty towards his daughter, and at worst, had conspired to kill her. In time, his grief subsided, and the fairy, being a callous bitch, figured there was now nothing in the way of getting in the King’s pants. She sent emissaries to renew her attempts to marry him, and he told her in icy tones that his answer had not changed, that he never planned to marry again, and if he ever did, it would definitely not be to her. He also demanded that she leave his kingdom immediately as her presence reminded him of his dead daughter, although the real reason was that he didn’t trust her and wanted her gone.
“The Fairy was furious, but had no avenue to avenge herself as I had convinced one of the oldest Fairies to protect you from her wrath. Not only was she every bit as old as the wicked Fairy, she had been through the serpent trials four times. She had Power with a capital P, and it protected the king. This whole thing convinced the Fairy to give up her pretense, allowing the real queen who’s identity had been stolen to awaken. The Fairy didn’t tell her of the bad things she had done with her face, just the good ones, and she advised her on how to take back her life. Then, the wicked Fairy returned to the young Prince, and her scorned affections found a new, creepy home.
“Finally, when I was 1000 years old, my power was augmented, but I hesitated to use it – what if it wasn’t enough? Out of love for my sister, her husband, and my niece, I decided to undergo the serpent trial myself. It was a nightmare, being turned into a serpent, but I got through safely, which gave me the power I needed. I still couldn’t openly act for my niece (the wicked Fairy was dangerous), so I left her with the merchant and worked in secret. I watched her grow, coming as often as I dared in disguise, and was thrilled at the woman she became. My sister was insistent that I do everything I could to help, so I looked into the Great Book myself, finding out that the wicked Fairy had cursed the Queen and the Prince, giving me an opportunity. She had said herself that the Beast was a monster, so I figured I could solve one problem with another. The conditions she placed on the Prince’s curse were almost tailor-made for my niece. It was perfect.
“I took the opportunity to inform the fairy court of the wicked Fairy’s transgressions. At my sister’s age, a dalliance with a mortal was forgivable; for a fairy as old and powerful as she, it was a scandal. Throw in all of the horrible things she had done to try and fail to achieve it, and I was able to convince them to throw the book at her. She was yanked back to the Fairy realm and thrown in prison, stripped of all authority and power. She’ll not trouble you again. Everything else, you already know.”
Everyone was pretty much shocked into silence at the end of this tale. None of them had suspected just how much intrigue and deceit had been woven through their lives by this one wicked Fairy. The King recovered first, embracing his sister-in-law. “I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done for me and mine, and I feel selfish for asking you for anything else, but I can’t help myself. If my wife, my beloved wife, is still alive, I beg you to let me see her.”
She shook her head sadly. “I’m sorry, King. If it were in my power, I would gladly do it for you. I wouldn’t have waited for you to ask, but would have brought her with me.” She was prevented from saying more, however, by a symphony from the courtyard. It was the kindly Fairy’s turn to be shocked by something. She knew that music, and it was only played to signal a major triumph of a fairy. She couldn’t imagine what that might be, but figured it was worth checking out. She feared that someone, maybe Mother of Seasons, had freed with wicked Fairy to rain vengeance on everyone here. She was shocked to find that, instead of her nemesis, it was her sister standing there in the courtyard.
Everything dissolved into a mad scramble as everyone tried to hug the Queen of the Happy Isle at once. “But how? How were you freed?” The happy Queen, embracing her husband, smiled. “As you know, dear sister, our Queen is married to the sage Amadabat, whose power and knowledge is even greater than our own. For reasons known only to him, he decreed that his daughter should undergo the serpent trial when she reached 100 years. The Fairy Queen, terrified that her young daughter would fall prey to any of the dangers that could kill a serpent (and had killed many older fairies), was desperate to find some way out. Since I had no hope of ever seeing my husband or daughter again, I was basically suicidal and offered to do the trial in her place. In thanks, she freed me from prison after I completed the Trial. As soon as I regained my freedom (and with veteran status now thanks to the trial), I came looking for my husband and daughter. Lucky for me, they were together.”
Everyone was thrilled to hear the news, and Belle was ecstatic to realize that she did in fact have every right to marry the Prince now. She asked her aunt to bring the merchant (who would always be her father, even if she now had a mother and a second father as well) to see her so she could tell him everything and have her family present for her wedding. Even as they were talking, sixteen horses could be seen ridden by confused and embarrassed people. Belle recognized them as her six brothers, five sisters, and their five admirers. She rushed to explain what had happened to them and to tell them everything she had learned. Soon after, the merchant appeared as well. A horse had apparently showed up at his door and scratched at it until he answered and got on its back. He had a feeling that he knew where it would take him, so he climbed on without hesitation. He was ecstatic at the news, and thrilled to be present for the wedding of Beauty and the Beast.
He was confused, therefore, when he didn’t actually see the Beast. The Fairy realized why he was confused and told him the whole complicated story. He and his sons were thrilled for Belle, and his daughters were even more jealous than ever before. Their admirers were super confused, realizing that they had been right to pursue Belle, but also that they no longer had any shot. She brought her family to live with her at court, giving them employment and a higher station in life than before. The admirers settled into marriage with the five sisters and were as happy as could be expected.
The couple was married soon after everyone arrived. Bliss was short-lived, however, as the happy couple realized that they now had to deal with ruling a kingdom. They talked to the Fairies about abdicating to anyone the powerful sisters might select, but they were told that the kingdom was their duty – no one better existed to rule in their stead. Their fears allayed, they agreed to take the throne but insisted that they be allowed to visit the enchanted castle from time to time to cast aside care and rank for awhile and live as man and wife, attended only by the invisible genii and the intelligent animals. They proved to be fair and just rulers, so they, and everyone else involved (except the wicked Fairy and the jealous sisters) lived happily ever after.
It’s been a long, weird, wild ride, but we’ve finally reached the end. I honestly can’t blame later versions of the story for paring this whole thing down – there are a metric fuckton of tangents that somehow all tie in to a single story (although scheming fairies are responsible for most of that, so it’s not as coincidental as it looks at first). One thing I do love about this first version, though, is that it has a lot less of the weird Stockholm syndrome element of the story in the Disney version. Belle doesn’t fall in love with a weird jerk because he probably has a good person somewhere inside: she marries the Beast because he’s a good (if lonely and stupid) person whom she cares for but does not love and she loves the Prince, although his treatment of the Beast worries her (which turns out later to have been the Fairy acting on his behalf, so he was never anything but nice to her). All of the moments where the Beast or the Prince were controlling and harsh were due entirely to Fairy intervention, so the love between Belle and the Prince at the end feels genuine and earned. I love the Disney movie, and always will, but this does close some of the plot holes (like how there could be a portrait of the prince as an adult if he was transformed as a child) and it answers all the questions you never knew you had. The one thing that does bother me more than it should is the blatant violation of Chekhov’s bad guy. They made such a big deal about the Queen leaving the usurping king alive against the advice of her generals, and then…nothing. It’s never resolved. Maybe he got bit by Belle’s mother while she was in her serpent trial. There – arc closed.
Now that Belle and the Beast have found their happy ending, it’s time for Gods and Monsters. This is a segment where I get into a little more detail about the personalities and history of one of the gods or monsters from this week’s pantheon that was not discussed in the main story. This week’s god is the Fairy King, Oberon.
If you’re a fan of Shakespeare, you probably know this name. He shows up as a major character in A Midsummer Night’s Dream, consort to the Fairy Queen Titania, but as with many of the things Shakespeare wrote, he borrowed the character from elsewhere. Specifically, Oberon arose from Sir John Bourchier’s translation of the 13th Century French epic romance poem Huon de Bordeaux in 1534 (though it’s possible that his origins lie earlier, in the character of Alberich, a powerful dwarf in the Nibelungenlied and later, Wagner’s Ring Cycle opera.
Huon, son of Seguin, count of Bordeaux, passes through the forest inhabited by Oberon. A hermit had warned him not to speak to Oberon, a powerful elf living in the forest (look at how many monsters in French folklore can’t touch you unless you acknowledge them first), but when the elf greets him on the path, Huon is too courteous not to respond. Huon had killed the Emperor Charlemagne’s son in self-defence and was sentenced to death, but had been offered a pardon if he could complete several seemingly impossible tasks: travel to the court of the Emir of Babylon and return with a handful of the Emir’s hair and teeth, slay the Emir’s mightiest knight, and three times kiss the Emir’s daughter Esclarmonde. Oberon was powerful, and Huon could use some help, so he figures it’s worth the risk.
Oberon was tiny, only a few feet tall, but exceedingly handsome. It turns out that, at his christening, someone had offended another fairy who cursed him with dwarfish height, then felt bad and granted him great beauty to offset her curse. He decides to help the man, and they go on to accomplish all of the impossible tasks, although I won’t get into the details now, since that’s a whole story unto itself.
The story is based very, very loosely on the real story of Seguin, Count of Bordeaux under King Louis the Pious in 839, who died fighting the Normans in 845. In 866, Charles l’Enfant, son of King Charles the Bald, died in an ambush similar to the story of Charlot and Huon from the poem, providing more fodder. Oberon is given Celtic trappings to make him seem more mystical, including a magical cup that is always full for the virtuous (not unlike the Cornucopia or the Holy Grail) and is said to be the child of Julius Caesar and Morgan le Fay from Arthurian Legend. So the next time you’re watching Oberon trick his wife into falling in love with a donkey-headed man (Shakespeare was a low-key furry, apparently), you’ll know just how powerful the king of the fairies really is.
That’s it for this episode of Myths Your Teacher Hated. Keep up with new episodes on our Facebook page, on iTunes, on Stitcher, on TuneIn, and on Spotify, or you can follow us on Twitter as @HardcoreMyth and on Instagram as Myths Your Teacher Hated Pod. You can also find news and episodes on our website at myths your teacher hated dot com. If you like what you’ve heard, I’d appreciate a review on iTunes. These reviews really help increase the show’s standing and let more people know it exists. If you have any questions, any gods or monsters you’d want to learn about, or any ideas for future stories that you’d like to hear, feel free to drop me a line. I’m trying to pull as much material from as many different cultures as possible, but there are all sorts of stories I’ve never heard, so suggestions are appreciated. The theme music is by Tiny Cheese Puff, whom you can find on fiverr.com.
Next time, we’ll head down to Brazil for an interesting take on the classic ‘prince on a quest’ story. You’ll learn that fruit trees are magic, that you should be wary of cryptic advice from random old ladies, and that fairy tale siblings really are just the worst. Then, in a listener-suggestion Gods and Monsters, we’ll encounter a tricksy, one-legged whirlwind with a love of pranks. That’s all for now. Thanks for listening.